Honestly At Peace

There is a part of me that can't believe I am pregnant. Another part of me is doing cartwheels in the street over the news.

I keep expecting to wake up from some odd dream and realize it didn't happen.

This morning, I fought my first real bout of nausea. Once I had eaten something, my stomach settled and it's been okay today. I am exhausted.

In the spirit of wanting to continue to be honest with the people who stumble across this, I spotted today. It was a very faint pink about 2 hours after waking. Next bathroom trip had me seeing some very faint brown. Nothing since then.

No cramping. Nothing else to indicate that something is amiss. D asked if I called the doctor, but since this is normal, I haven't. I'll wait.

The other piece to this is that I did take another pregnancy test this morning. This one blatantly told me NOT PREGNANT.

For once, I didn't panic or breakdown. I remembered reading about the different sensitivities and testing levels, and after consulting a few sites I realized I bought a name brand that may not be as reliable.

Of course, this may be a "missed pregnancy" as well.

But I am actually okay. The knowledge that we did get a positive is still fresh with me. So I talked to A and we agreed we'd wait and see. There is nothing we can do, and if I was to start another cycle it would be this weekend. By Monday I should know what is happening, and if there is no cycle and the tests are still inconclusive, I will go do blood work.

I am really happy that needles don't bother me. And all the support and love I have gotten from family and friends has helped me realize that D has been right:

When it's the right baby, it will happen. We just have to make sure about what is going on and not give up hope.