Flying North

This June will make 8 years since I met my BFF.

I seem to have met some of the most interesting people online, all through gaming. My first online game was Ultima Online, and that is what I think lead to all the things that have put me on the path I am on now, and eventually to my husband.

After 6 months of playing with these people, messaging them outside of game, and basically share everything you could while killing orcs, our original little band decided to meet in Las Vegas for a weekend in June of 2000. And we kept returning each June, extending the trip from just the weekend to a full week. The last time we met was 2005, and I miss them all so much.

We drank, we talked, and in June of 2002 I sat up all night for the first time ever, pretty drunk, and watched the sun come up from the casino as we laughed on our last night together.

I remember walking D to her room at one end of the Excalibur and then walking back across the casino floor to the other end with those who were staying there. I think we only had a few hours until meeting the group for breakfast, and I had honestly intended to sleep.

D was going to be the first to leave that morning, so for her it was more of prep for flight that morning I think. I got to my room and sat in a chair. I had brought a boyfriend with me that year, and he had stayed in the room all night because he was sick. Listening to him snore, I realized I didn't want to be there (early sign this relationship wasn't going to work), and so grabbed shoes and walked out.

Back to the casino, I realized D would be leaving, and found her. I don't remember if it was while she was waiting to check-out or if I walked outside to find her. But I do remember sitting in the sun and waiting for the airport shuttle with her. I remember hugging her after we had recapped the weekend some more and realizing I was going to miss her.

I am so lucky that I followed my gut and went looking for her. We've now been close for so many years, visiting each other as often as we could manage and becoming entangled in each other's lives. She is an amazing mother and friend, with two of the most amazing girls, and a menagerie of pets.

She was one of the few people I was most anxious about meeting A because I wanted her approval.

She was one of the first people I called after getting engaged. And she stood up there with me as a Maid of Honor when I did finally say "I do."

Through all the stuff I am going through with the PCOS it's been harder to be as open. Mainly because each time I do open up I become a sobbing mess who can't seem to handle anything, much less deal with a pregnancy. I do try to talk to people, but it's hard to explain how this is something I have wanted since I can remember, and now to be in a position where I could have it all but things aren't working like they should....

It kills me each month.

When she offered to fly me up to see her, A could see the look on my face and didn't hesitate at telling me to go. He knew as much as I did that I needed D and a chance to just let it all out in a way that only she would be able to understand.

So I am at work this morning, at this God-forsaken hour, in order to leave work early. I am going straight to the airport for my full-cavity search, and then I fly to Washington state and my second home. There will be talking and cooking and I am sure some tears. But this time I firmly believe it will be the beginning of a healing in some ways.

And who could turn away a weekend of her home cooking? It's honestly the only thing that the men at home are jealous about when I mention my weekend away....