Friday, January 29, 2010

More On Shadow...

So, Shadow's clinging nature has not subsided. This is seriously the most interesting behavior for a cat.

I cannot sit in the computer chair and lean back or he is on my chest. He has leaped from the floor onto the keyboard tray of the desk in order to get in front of me.

It's not getting better.

His crying in the morning begins when I go to the bathroom to shower. I love warm showers, and in the Winter shower with the door closed for optimum heat. Once I step in, the crying begins. So today I thought I would try something new.

First, you need to know our bathroom issue. We rent a mobile home, and it has always sat at a slight tilt. It's noticeable in the kitchen when you spill something on the counter, and also in the bathroom because the door has never quite lined up correctly.

In order to close the bathroom door, I have to grasp the doorknob and then lift the door up towards the hinges. The door will then close, though not all the way, and basically sticks in place until you force it open. While A has more strength and doesn't have to resort to lifting, it still causes us headaches with the whole thing.

Especially when it requires all my body weight to force the door open if closed all the way.

So, the thought this morning was that I should take Shadow into the bathroom with me. He could stay there and wait for me to get out of the shower, and maybe it would stop the meowing issue.

Yeah. Not so much.

The slight meowing turned into yowling about 2 minutes after I had stepped in and closed the curtain behind me. I peeked out and talked to him, which stopped that, but when I went back behind the curtain, he started again. And then decided to reach under the door and try to scratch the carpet for a way out.

Now, I don't close the door completely. I honestly don't have the strength. I basically wedge it closed enough that I can guarantee warmth stays in.

And it still takes some effort for me to pull the door open.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I heard the door open while in the shower. I thought A had gotten tired of the echoing cries and did something about it. But I never heard the door close.

So I peeked out again.

And Narco was now in the bathroom looking at me, with Shadow nowhere to be found.

Somehow, between them, they'd managed to pop the door open so Shadow could leave. I noticed he was laying outside the open door while I was drying off, and A was asleep again.

Apparently that adrenaline rush that people get when put in extreme situations extends to animals, too.

That, or my cat is the gray Hulk.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Honestly At Peace

There is a part of me that can't believe I am pregnant. Another part of me is doing cartwheels in the street over the news.

I keep expecting to wake up from some odd dream and realize it didn't happen.

This morning, I fought my first real bout of nausea. Once I had eaten something, my stomach settled and it's been okay today. I am exhausted.

In the spirit of wanting to continue to be honest with the people who stumble across this, I spotted today. It was a very faint pink about 2 hours after waking. Next bathroom trip had me seeing some very faint brown. Nothing since then.

No cramping. Nothing else to indicate that something is amiss. D asked if I called the doctor, but since this is normal, I haven't. I'll wait.

The other piece to this is that I did take another pregnancy test this morning. This one blatantly told me NOT PREGNANT.

For once, I didn't panic or breakdown. I remembered reading about the different sensitivities and testing levels, and after consulting a few sites I realized I bought a name brand that may not be as reliable.

Of course, this may be a "missed pregnancy" as well.

But I am actually okay. The knowledge that we did get a positive is still fresh with me. So I talked to A and we agreed we'd wait and see. There is nothing we can do, and if I was to start another cycle it would be this weekend. By Monday I should know what is happening, and if there is no cycle and the tests are still inconclusive, I will go do blood work.

I am really happy that needles don't bother me. And all the support and love I have gotten from family and friends has helped me realize that D has been right:

When it's the right baby, it will happen. We just have to make sure about what is going on and not give up hope.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Quality Time and Fatigue

So now that the hard part (for now) is done, I am trying to continue doing what we have been doing: prepping for the move, eating healthy, and avoiding stress.

We've had an odd week so far, and last night I declared it time for us to spend together. We had dinner and then sat to play a game on the 360.

I lasted until 9. The yawning had started at 8. By 9 I was toast.

And I slept straight through until 7 this morning.

10 hours of sleep. I am sure I will be wanting more over the next few weeks, but that one surprised me this morning. I honestly expected to be up after 8 hours and unable to sleep again. But other than a trip to the restroom, I slept soundly.

I am following basic instructions: eating healthy, drinking 8 glasses of water at day, and also monitoring my blood sugar carefully. So far everything has been pretty good. I just need to keep it up!

The is one thing I need to confess:

I have this need to take another pregnancy test. I can't believe it's happened, and I just want to do it again to make sure.

So, if you see odd pictures of tests here to prove it's true, I apologize now.

And blame the fatigue on my minor insanity.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

About Deciding to Tell the World

I have read about how the recommendation is to wait until the pregnancy is far enough along to start sharing the news with people. Even my sister warned me about telling too soon.

Yes, I know things could go wrong. Very wrong.

But once I saw the test say I was pregnant, I felt so at peace. So happy. And I wanted to share that.

I lasted 2 hours before I called my mom. Then my sister. Then D and my cousin. Then I read for 2 more hours until A was conscience and we agreed to tell family. So called his parents, sister, and grandparents.

Then we woke my brother with the news. My brother, whom I love so much, was so funny. I was telling him through the door, he was dead asleep, and I could hear him rushing to get up and come congratulate us.

And that night he had a birthday party scheduled. And everyone coming were good friends of ours, some I have known for well over 15 years.

My husband saw my face and knew it was make me crazy. So we both decided that it was good news. You don't hide this kind of good news. We were happy, and we wanted everyone to be happy with us.

So we told them all.

And then I came to work yesterday and told everyone. The CEO laughed because I am the 3rd pregnant woman in the office. He wants to know what's in the water.

We've been careful. Told people it is really early. Things could happen, but we are happy and want to share it. And everyone has shrieked and hugged us an congratulated us.

I want to be able to tell my baby how we couldn't wait to share the news with everyone who mattered to us. That this was the greatest thing to happen to us, and we wanted the world to know it.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell everyone on Facebook....

Monday, January 25, 2010

Taking a Home Pregnancy Test at 3 Weeks

So, last week I had some odd dreams. I was with A, and we were holding a baby girl. I even knew her name. And the name stuck with me all week.

I still have it stuck in my head even now.

When I told him about it, he joked about how I was already picking out names without him. My brother even teased him about having to get used to it.

Thursday and Friday had me feeling kind grossed out about eating dinner after having had to handle the raw meat. Add in the problem I had sneezing and not wetting myself on Friday and afternoon....

My husband flat out told me to take the test.

We talked about it a little, and I told him that it was going to probably come out negative. It'd been a week since the scan, and there was no way a test would pick up the hormones yet. But, I did have a test leftover from the beginning of December, so I gave in. With the understanding that any negative test result we wouldn't read too much into it, we would buy more tests and try again a week later.

I had been so tired that day, so I went to bed early and slept with no interruptions until the urge to pee happened at about 6:30 am on Saturday morning. I had set the test out in the bathroom, and was coherent enough to remember to use it. I was sitting there, scratching the cat on the head, and waiting for the 3 minutes to happen.

And then I looked down and saw the test. All it said was "Pregnant", and that was enough for me.

After bouncing into bed and accusing him of knocking me up there was no way I was going to sleep again. He crashed, but I just wanted to start calling everyone I knew.

So, a little over 1 month after being told it might be time to go see a fertility specialist, I turn up pregnant.

I don't think I can even begin to describe the joy and relief.

I am now on my 2nd day of the 4th week of pregnancy. And my baby is due on 10/10/10.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

An Important Question

When I say that my current job was a godsend to me, I really don't mean to exaggerate.

My last job was great, don't get me wrong, but the commute was killing me. It was about 40 miles each way, and my shift started at 6am. So, I had to be up at 4:45, out the door by 5:20, and in the afternoons I would leave there at 3 pm and arrive home around 4.

One of my closest friends there had been approached by a "headhunter", and after discussing their needs, realized the job was near me. So he referred me as a candidate instead, and I've never looked back at the way things worked out.

When I had accepted the job, I explained to my friend that I owed him. All he wanted was 1 thing: he wanted to be godfather to my first born, complete with a pinky ring.

How could I say no to him?

So, here's the question for people reading......

Anyone know where I could find a good but inexpensive pinky ring?

Thursday, January 21, 2010


So, the week is marching along quickly. It helps that we have plans revolving around my brother's birthday this weekend. Plans that I hope will keep me occupied.

I have 1 lone home pregnancy test at home. I don't want to use it too early, mainly because I don't want to have to buy more when it comes up negative because I tested too soon. Which would be the excuse I used for a negative result right now.

Somehow, I have a name stuck in my head. I can't stop thinking of it, and I have to tell A about it. We've agreed that naming any offspring will be something we do together.

He is anxious.

After last weekend, he openly told me that he dreaded the appointments now. He hated losing me to my mourning and depression. I honestly believed I was doing okay about hiding it, but he says no. I retreat so far into myself, and he doesn't know what to do to help me out of it. So he waits for me to come back and takes care of me the only way he can.

Right now, he is worried about what will happen next weekend. Will I start to spot again? Will it kill me like it did in November? Or will we finally get a positive result?

Oddly, I feel more relaxed about this. I am staying content, reading books, and relaxing. I have stopped exercising for now, but still careful about what I eat.

Except for the peanut M&Ms. Thank goodness those are gone now....

So today is another day to wait and think. I have completely failed at not using Google to check pregnancy charts and symptoms pages. But I keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time.

I just can't help but hope.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

About the cat....

On Friday, January 8th, I was up at 5am. I got ready for work, left home, and didn't return until Sunday, January 10th, at about 10 pm.

While I enjoyed the time away, and relaxed with my closest friend for 2 nights, my cat has been traumatized.

Ever since A stopped working in mid-October, both animals have enjoyed the additional freedom of him being home with them. Due to the large number of collectibles in the living room, they are not allowed to roam free when no one is home. They are used to this, and we have gone away in the past and never had issues.

But this one is different.

My first night away, I was told that both animals behaved fine, and everyone slept through the night. The second night was different, as by then there was something not right in our household, and A has reminded me a couple of times of the 2 whole hours of sleep he got that night.

Since my return, Narco is his normal cat self and comes near when he wants to be scratched or to keep warm.

Shadow has become a different kind of problem.

I am followed more intensely. He is insistent about being in my arms if I am on the computer. When I am on the couch, he is on my lap, looking over my shoulder from the back of the couch, or insisting on draping across my chest like a fur stole.

Cooking is now more interesting, as he no longer lays at one end of the kitchen. He participates in his own way, following me from each appliance to the next, and sitting nearby as I chopped items or wash my hands.

None of this has been too bothersome. I love the attention and love, and he is such a momma's boy. It actually has us all laughing at night when I can't see past a certain furry ass to watch television.

The problem has been the mornings.

I am up every weekday by 7:15 to shower and dress. I then slip out of our room to prep lunch and drive to work. This routine hasn't changed, but the extra 90 minutes or so that A used to get is gone.

As soon as I step in to the bathroom and close the door, the meowing starts. Apparently, Shadow cries until he hears me get out of the water. He will calm down, but when I leave the room he goes to listen by the bedroom door. There is no noise while I am still in the house, but as soon as the back door opens, and I walk out, he starts again.

I don't think there is any way to stop this. Luckily, A has been reasonable and is starting to get used to being up early. If he calls to Shadow, the cat will jump up to lay with him and he can at least rest in bed. Otherwise, the cat cries as if he has been abandoned.

We had had some reservations about the drive to VA with Shadow on board. But after this development I realize that there is no way we could leave him behind. Narco will be fine with my brother once we are gone. I think he will miss his brother, and Shadow will miss him as well, but I don't think the separation will be nearly as devastating as my leaving Shadow behind.

Am I over thinking the emotions of my cat?

More than likely.

But when something loves you that unconditionally, how can you not?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Just Keep Swimming...

I talked to D today and she asked how I was. I told her I was trying to remain calm and relaxed. And seducing A at any opportunity.

Then she asked if I was humming this little tune from Finding Nemo. Which I hadn't been. Until that moment.

And now I can't get it out of my mind.

The injection happened Friday night, and ovulation is supposed to have happened within 41 hours. It could happen faster, it could take longer, depending on the woman.

So, we were very busy this weekend with the baby making, and I am carrying that into this week for as long as possible. So far, so good.

I have to be completely honest:

My husband and I have a very healthy sexual relationship. We've never gone at it like bunnies, but neither of us has been left wanting anything. So baby making is a bit of a different experience for us because we normally aren't the type of couple who look at a calendar and wonder how long it has been since the last time we did anything. We've always just gone with the flow of life, and now it's a more aggressive little dance we are doing.

Yes, we are enjoying the sex. A lot. And I know this because we can still laugh and tease one another openly, and neither of us is looking at the other and sighing deeply about getting physical. Again. And again.

Today is the 5th day since the injection, and I am honestly trying not to think pregnant. I don't want to get in that mindset and then be completely devastated.

So for now....

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Swimming, swimming. Just keep swimming....

Monday, January 18, 2010

Cycle Day 16

Well, after 20 minutes of scanning by a trained technician and a woman to supervise him, they sent the pictures to the radiologist to confirm. I literally ran to the OB/GYN department because it was now just minutes before 6pm on a Friday night.

And I managed to catch my doctor.

She called down and they told her that it would be another 20 minutes or so, but she had to leave for the weekend. So, asked me to give her 2 minutes.

My mother has always said that things happen for a reason. A and I have always taken each day and the direction things are going in to be signs as to whether or not things were meant to be.

So, when she came out and told us that the nurses were staying for a baby shower after hours, and one of them agreed to give me the injection if there was a follicle, I felt better.

We went to Walmart, wandered around, and waited for a call. Which came 25 minutes after talking to the doctor, confirming that there was a 2.4 cm follicle in my right ovary. This is the largest one we've had, and basically has me thinking that my right ovary has been waiting to stick its tongue out at me. It finally has produced something viable, and right at the end of this ridiculous cycle.

The doctor and I agreed that if we decide to try again next month that the scan will not be done by her. She will be booking me directly with radiology, and then go from there.

I've also decided that if we do do this next month we will try our first IUI. Either we'll be pregnant or at least have a base understanding of what we will need to do once we are in VA.

We did what we needed to this weekend to get things to work. I am relaxed about everything, and not stressing. We'll know at the beginning of February what is what, and will make our next decision.

For now, life will go on. Cleaning will begin. And packing will happen.

Only 95 days left to go...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Where the Hell Are My Ovaries?!?!?!

I wish the title of this post were just some lame joke.

Today was Cycle Day 13, and the follicle scan happened at about noon. This time, I drank about 48oz of water in order to prepare for this and hopefully provide a clear picture.

The doctor inserted the wand and nothing went right from there.

She found my uterus, said the lining looked good. Could see my bladder, this dark shadow in the background.

And then nothing else.

Seriously. That was it.

She tried for a bit, then had me empty my bladder and come back. She even brought in a more seasoned OB/GYN to look at the scan. He performed another scan himself, both internal and external, and then proceeded with an old-fashioned pelvic exam.

For the record, my husband was in the room for the whole thing. He now has full awareness of what a woman goes through during her annual. He isn't too traumatized at watching another man exam me after donning latex gloves and lubricant.

Can this get any better?

Why, yes, yes it can.

Because I am home now, and have to drink 40 oz of water before 3:45. Then I need to hold my urine for at least 1 hour. Because I have to go back to the medical center at 4:45 and report to the ultrasound department.

Yes, I have an emergency ultrasound scheduled with techs who will hopefully be able to tell the difference between a blood vessel, my bladder, and the other things going on in there.

After today, I think my decision about whether or not to wait until we've moved has been made for me. Nothing in my system wants to work the way it is supposed to, and it just gets more frustrating each day.

So, I am going to keep drinking water for another 45 minutes. Then go and see what they do or do not find.

Then I will look at the calendar and wait for the 1 year anniversary of our beginning to try.

The day I will officially be listed as infertile.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Another Item Checked Off

I was officially told this morning that I will be asked to continue my work with my current employer after the move. They don't want to lose me, and so working remotely will be no issue.

Internets, I have a job after the move!!

I didn't doubt that this would happen, but it is a relief to know that we won't have any added stress. I've already sent a text message to A, and he is probably still dancing for joy as I type this.

So, the cleaning/packing process will begin this weekend. Our only mistake last time we moved from the apartment to our current house was that we packed everything up but the bedroom. Then I was scrambling to do that as they moved our furniture out.

And had to go back of the next week to pick up things and clean more.

This time there is no coming back. We need to have all our items taken care of, and leave nothing behind. My brother will be moving at the same time, so we are really going to need to remain organized in some way.

This time, I am starting in the bedroom. The closet needs a thorough purging of items, and the summer clothes can be boxed up now. We'll be driving in April, so for me that is still sweatshirt time, and the t shirts I wear regularly will be saved for that period.

The other advantage will be that as we pack things we can then store them in our closet so the house isn't cluttered.

We leave California in 98 days.

And tomorrow we'll be at Month 5, Cycle Day 13: Follicle Scan Day.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Cycle Day 11

Normally, by this point in the month, I'd be super anxious and staring at the calendar. Counting hours until the scan. Wondering how many follicles will be there. Hoping for at least one to show the meds are working.

This time I am almost half-tempted to cancel the scan.

There were no headaches after that 1 miserable day last week. I am still trying to eat better, exercise each day, and am down a couple of pounds already. I'm also making plans for a birthday party and the move. There is so much other stuff happening....

I'm not canceling the appointment. But I think this will be the last one. I don't want to wreck our time together for Valentines' Day with all this stuff, so this will be it for now.

Though, I know I say this and will then be wondering about it next month. I know me well enough to know I won't be able to let go.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I Hate Delays

While for most things I really am a patient person, once things are scheduled or arranged I hate to have them rescheduled. Postponing things throws my linear mind out of whack, and so that is why the last 24 hours have been a lesson in keeping my cool.

Apparently, my OB/GYN has a surgery on Friday, and my scan is causing an issue with her schedule. When her nurse called, I had to explain that I couldn't really move it. My job is in a Call Center, and every time this happens I have to juggle the team's lunch breaks and then rearrange coverage on other projects. I know that there are certain things that take precedence over my wanting to have a baby, but I guess I would like some courtesy with certain things.

And apparently whatever is happening isn't an emergency because the nurse told me to keep my appointment at Noon. I'm sorry if I am inconveniencing other people, I know it's incredibly selfish, but when I was given options for my appointment there were late afternoon appointments and the one at Noon. Suddenly there was one available at 9. Which if I had the option to take it back on January 4th when I scheduled this, I would have.

Can you tell my hormones are in the way again? Cause if not...

I have noticed that I am overly emotional about certain topics. Others just make me feel.... I don't know how to describe it. It's not sad. But it isn't happy. Wistful, maybe? Certain stories or images make me get teary eyed and lost in my own thoughts.

And this can be anything triggering this. From writing a thank you note to talking about a friend's sick father. Even remembering D's Golden Retriever, Huck, makes me feel this way.

So, today when my manager asked to reschedule tomorrow's meeting about the move to Thursday because of another meeting that has taken over the morning tomorrow... Well, I went from that wistful feeling to a little peeved in about 5 seconds flat.

She has no more control over things than I do, but at the same time I really want to have this talk happen already. This is really the one thing left to finalize about the move before I can start the other stuff. All the packing and cleaning need to be done, and I know that the outcome of the meeting will set the tone for that.

Normally, waiting isn't a bad thing. I don't mind long lines at the grocery store. Not even the bank or restaurants throw me. I kinda like being there and knowing I will be taken care of in my turn.

But when the stakes are about my future, both as an employee of my current company and as a mother, I don't want to wait right now. I want to get answers, and make plans, and get the ball rolling on things.

Why do I think I am starting to sound like Veruca Salt?

Monday, January 11, 2010

Rested and Ready

This last weekend was exactly what was needed. We read and played on the Internet, all quietly and contently. We also talked about everything, and I think it helped but some perspective on things for me.

What I find interesting is that A made plans with a friend of ours to hang out and have a "man date" on Saturday. We compared weekends last night, and oddly our conversations were nearly identical. And we both are in the same place about the infertility and stress and move.

One thing that came of all this is the decision to have one last celebration. My birthday is roughly 1 month before the move, and we are planning to have everyone possible over to spend time, drink, and laugh. My brother is on board, I've invited everyone I could think of, and will probably be adding more names to that list over the next week or so.

I love this part of planning the party.

D and I did both say that we figured once the move happened and we weren't focused on anything but settling down that the pregnancy would happen. I told her I was of the impression that A's offspring refuses to be born anywhere but VA.

I also decided last night that I am going to make the most of every last thing while here. Yes, there is still nervousness about this week's scan, but I can't let that be the main focus of the week. So I am making plans to see movies, go out with friends, and invite all those who want to come along. I want to spend time with everyone, but I can't waste time chasing after people who don't want to make the effort.

The door is open, and it always has been for all those in my life. Now is the time to remind them of it, and also let them know that doesn't change though I will be far away.

It felt good to wake up this morning and realize that the time from here is only going to fly...

Friday, January 8, 2010

Flying North

This June will make 8 years since I met my BFF.

I seem to have met some of the most interesting people online, all through gaming. My first online game was Ultima Online, and that is what I think lead to all the things that have put me on the path I am on now, and eventually to my husband.

After 6 months of playing with these people, messaging them outside of game, and basically share everything you could while killing orcs, our original little band decided to meet in Las Vegas for a weekend in June of 2000. And we kept returning each June, extending the trip from just the weekend to a full week. The last time we met was 2005, and I miss them all so much.

We drank, we talked, and in June of 2002 I sat up all night for the first time ever, pretty drunk, and watched the sun come up from the casino as we laughed on our last night together.

I remember walking D to her room at one end of the Excalibur and then walking back across the casino floor to the other end with those who were staying there. I think we only had a few hours until meeting the group for breakfast, and I had honestly intended to sleep.

D was going to be the first to leave that morning, so for her it was more of prep for flight that morning I think. I got to my room and sat in a chair. I had brought a boyfriend with me that year, and he had stayed in the room all night because he was sick. Listening to him snore, I realized I didn't want to be there (early sign this relationship wasn't going to work), and so grabbed shoes and walked out.

Back to the casino, I realized D would be leaving, and found her. I don't remember if it was while she was waiting to check-out or if I walked outside to find her. But I do remember sitting in the sun and waiting for the airport shuttle with her. I remember hugging her after we had recapped the weekend some more and realizing I was going to miss her.

I am so lucky that I followed my gut and went looking for her. We've now been close for so many years, visiting each other as often as we could manage and becoming entangled in each other's lives. She is an amazing mother and friend, with two of the most amazing girls, and a menagerie of pets.

She was one of the few people I was most anxious about meeting A because I wanted her approval.

She was one of the first people I called after getting engaged. And she stood up there with me as a Maid of Honor when I did finally say "I do."

Through all the stuff I am going through with the PCOS it's been harder to be as open. Mainly because each time I do open up I become a sobbing mess who can't seem to handle anything, much less deal with a pregnancy. I do try to talk to people, but it's hard to explain how this is something I have wanted since I can remember, and now to be in a position where I could have it all but things aren't working like they should....

It kills me each month.

When she offered to fly me up to see her, A could see the look on my face and didn't hesitate at telling me to go. He knew as much as I did that I needed D and a chance to just let it all out in a way that only she would be able to understand.

So I am at work this morning, at this God-forsaken hour, in order to leave work early. I am going straight to the airport for my full-cavity search, and then I fly to Washington state and my second home. There will be talking and cooking and I am sure some tears. But this time I firmly believe it will be the beginning of a healing in some ways.

And who could turn away a weekend of her home cooking? It's honestly the only thing that the men at home are jealous about when I mention my weekend away....

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I Hate When the Doctor is Right

So, the last time I did real exercise was in the summer. September I think. Since then, the laziness hits me after work.

I am a day person. I actually love getting things done in the early morning hours and then having the rest of the day to do nothing. Once the sun goes down, I have no real motivation to do anything productive, so coming home during the winter as the sun is already setting ruins my evening.

Think of me as solar-powered!

Well, we've crossed the line into Winter, and I have noticed a little more light at 5 everyday. It's been nice, plus my urge to lose weight and exercise make it so that I am doing it. I get home, change into workout clothes, and either prep dinner and set it to bake while I do the Wii thing for 15-20 minutes or do that and then whip up a quick meal.

So far, success every day this week.

And every morning my blood sugar is right in its happy place.

At my worst, I was injecting 120 units of Insulin every night before bed. I am back down to 100 units, and my numbers are better this week than they have been. And that is including time with my cycle in full force, and also that I stopped taking the extra insulin at meals after deciding I didn't need the stress.

Doctors have been telling me since the day I was told I was diabetic that just a little exercise a day would benefit me so much. Even a walk would make a difference. But I am who I am, and when told to do something I tend to shrug at the advice. Until I realize I need to do it, that is.

So the fitness routine will continue. I am flying to Seattle to visit with D, but she has a Wii and the Wii Fit program. So maybe I will make time to still do something each day.

Especially since I did the body test last night and it is telling me I weigh 282.9 lbs. That is over 4 lbs lighter since Monday.

It's probably wrong. But I really hope not!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ah, Hormones....

Since arriving at work today, my head has ached and I have the suspicion that people are not happy with me.

I am attributing both those problems to being on my 2nd day of Chlomid. 200mg a day is a big jump from the initial dose of 50mg they started me on.

I noticed last night that my patience was wearing thin. I attributed it to having worked 2 days in the actual office as opposed to at home. There is a HUGE difference, and I can honestly say I prefer being at home. Another day I will list the reasons why.

Today, though, is painfully different. While the throb in my skull is pretty mild so far, I am not looking forward to tonight.

My appetite is also down, which I consider a plus. I still eat, don't worry, but I took half of my plate at dinner last night and saved it for today. I just couldn't eat another bite.

We'll see how long that one lasts.

I am happy to report that the only time I felt 100% was while playing on the Wii Fit Plus games last night. Another 15 minutes of exercise was added to my total for the week, and I intend to do another 15-20 minutes today.

Oh, and I think the work thing and people not being happy with me is more attributed to my formal letter yesterday regarding the move. I've officially given them notice, and have a meeting next Wednesday to review everything.

And then 2 days later the foillicle scan.

This is gearing up to be a full month.....

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

How Heavy is Too Heavy.....For a Cat?

So I started back on the Chlomid this morning. I wonder what the increased dosage will mean for the headaches. Normally they are here on Day 3 of the pills and are gone about 24 hours after the last pills. We shall see.

Last night I put on workout clothes and tried out the Wii Fit Plus. I've worked out with the original Wii Fit routines, so this was to try out the new stuff and see what was what.

And WOW! I was impressed and happy.

There was more stuff to do that didn't just involve Yoga routines, and added abilities to create profiles for babies and pets.

Yes, babies and pets.

Before I get to the pet portion of this entry, I want to touch on my New Year's resolution. Now, the goal was to reach losing 10% of my body weight from the weight I was at last April. That was 304 lbs, which would put my weight loss goal at roughly 30 lbs total. Well, I am officially down to 287, so I've managed 17 lbs already. So I am thinking I want to set the weight goal to 250. That means losing 37 lbs in 1 year, an average of 3 lbs each month.

Now, if I manage to get pregnant this will be changing. I won't want to lose, I will want to maintain the weight and gain a little. So, this is the non-pregnancy goal.

So, when I finished running the Obstacle Course 3 times and then marching in the band 3 times, I had been playing for 19 minutes and burned minimal calories. So I went back to the main screen and decided to add the cats to the system.

Internets, I took the time to create their Miis and enter their birth dates. Then I weighed each one, following the instructions on the screen. Since I had already weighed myself, it had me step on with each cat and then it calculated the difference in weight. They tell you that you can do the same thing with babies/small children, so I can't wait to try that one.

So, our little Narco came in at 8.8 lbs. He is pretty lean, and seems so light when you lift him.

Now, Shadow, our fluffy boy, is a different story. When you lift him you know it. You feel the heft. And last night we learned he comes in at 10.8 lbs.

That is a lot of cat.

And I think I am going to start weighing him in on a monthly basis. No, my cat will not be on a diet, but I don't want him to get too big. Right now we have the food available all day, and he grazes as needed. They both do. But once he is an only cat I want to make sure that he doesn't go overboard on things.

As A said, I am just trying to be a good mommy.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Month 5, Cycle Day 2

Right on cue, the spotting began on New Year's Day and stayed mild through Saturday night.

Sunday morning came and the floodgates opened.

So a call was made today since yesterday would have just been the service answering. We have an appointment on the 15th at Noon, and I will have a prescription to pick-up tonight.

I am starting to think I just won't be happy with anything until we are actually pregnant. When I said my cycle came without any drugs, A immediately mentioned that this was a good thing, right? He was looking for some optimism and me being positive about the whole thing.

My reaction? I told him I was a little torn. I mean, YAY! I had a cycle without drugs! And almost on time, too! But at the same time, BOO! I obviously must have ovulated at some point and we missed it. I took ovulation tests daily until the 19th and there was nothing. If the time from ovulation to cycle start is a standard 14 days, the we missed the window by 3 days.

But I am trying to stay relaxed and positive for this cycle. The Chlomid is being increased again, and if the scan shows that something has happened and we do what we need to then everything should be fine.

Besides, now that we have set a move date and are starting to prep it's bound to happen. Murphy's Law and all that.

As for resolutions so far:

We spent time with friends on New Year's Eve and again yesterday for a birthday party. No rushing, no running around, just taking it easy and enjoying it all. Which felt good.

There is a plan for saving money over the next 4 months, and as long as we stick to it we will be golden. We just have to really stick to it now that we have the date set. And I have told work about it all. More on that after I have met with the appropriate people about that.

I have not gone near the Wii Fit at all. Pure laziness, nothing else. So, the plan is to do that as soon as I get home and then make dinner. Time to get back into a healthy routine and move on.

Wish me luck with that last one!