Thursday, May 27, 2010

Cycle Day 56

Seriously. This is getting to be a little annoying.

The spotting and other signs stopped. The emotional issues even stopped for the most part.

What I do find interesting is the dream I had 2 nights ago. I was pregnant, and had only told my sister. We were trying to keep it a secret from everyone, including A, until I could see a doctor and confirm it was okay.

Oh how I wish.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Why the Mall is Dangerous For Me

No, it has nothing to do with the babies. Or maternity clothes stores. Or even the food court with their pretzel bites and melted cheese. Not even the Icees do me in.

My sister-in-law works there. In a store that specializes in pets.

Specifically, puppies.

Like this one.....

We've talked about getting a dog, and we will at some point. But it was so hard to leave this little girl behind today...

Friday, May 21, 2010

The One Where I Cry In Public

Our move drained some finances, and so we are on a budge for the next couple of weeks. That didn't stop us from wanting date night, and so A picked Red Robin's and we were off to dinner.

I have to preface this by saying that we walked after work first. A total of 2 miles (roughly) and then a break before going out. The weather is seriously perfect, there is no smog in the valley, and the walks leave me feeling great.

The drive into town was smooth. We've found a local station that plays classic rock, and we both love it. When they play something that has us roll our eyes we flip to the country station and hope they aren't replaying the same stuff we hear almost every time we tune in.

So, back to dinner....

No wait for a table. I love Roanoke. Back in CA on a Friday night we would have had a 30 minute wait to get burgers. Here, we walk in, get seated, and have ice water about 2 minutes later.

Just after our burgers were delivered, the group in the both directly behind us shared with the waitress that someone was turning 21. They sang their birthday song and everyone applauded.

From where I sat on the aisle I could see a couple enjoying their dinner with a little girl in a high chair. When the singing began, she became so excited and started to clap. After it ended, the mother waved over the waitress and explained that the little girl was turning 2 today. She loved the singing, so could they do the same for her?

Next thing you know, that little one had a sundae cup with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and sprinkles. The wait staff came and sang to her, and she screeched with joy.

And I began to cry.

I have more good days than bad. And I can go out and wander at the toy store and not have problems.

But seeing that little girls so overjoyed with the singing and ice cream made me physically hurt inside.

In case I hadn't mentioned it, I love my husband. He let me deal with it, held my hand, and tried to make me smile. He knows I need to just get it out and then I can keep going.

Why can't this be easy? It's supposed to be easy. Get naked, have sex, and get pregnant. When is it going to happen already?!?!?!

I am going to go stretch out on the couch and contemplate that question.

With a pint of Dark Raspberry Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream. Because we have no chaser for the bottle of rum in the kitchen.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The One Where We Walk...Outside...In Fresh Air

My husband loves to walk. It helps get him energized and moving, and it's something he has missed since leaving his job.

I would drop him at the beginning of his shift each morning, but he walked home the 1 mile each day as a way to tune out work and recharge.

Now, I am a treadmill person. I prefer to be inside, with a TV going, and still be able to walk. One of the pros of our move, according to A, was that we would be living somewhere where we could go outdoors and walk and get fresh air.

When we moved in to the new place, one of the added benefits to the complex, according to me, is a fitness center. With weights. And an elliptical. And treadmills.

My original and rather lofty goal was to go down at lunch everyday. A little midday movement would get me through the remainder of the day and help me get back into a routine.

Then the humidity hit. And I got lazy. And discovered that my workday could be tracked by watching 2 hours of Charmed, 2 hours of Supernatural, 4 hours of CSI, and 1 hour of MythBusters each day.

Sad, yes?

So, last week A went for a few walks. He discovered that the sidewalk in the complex forms a complete loop around, and a lap made him feel good. And last night he wanted me to join him.

After the 2nd lap, I felt good. I had music with me, the air was so crisp, and our view is amazing. So now I want to do this after work each day, before making and eating dinner, so we get to stretch.

I've agreed that on non-humid days we should aim to walk a mile minimum in laps outside. He has a pedometer, and I downloaded a free app for my iPhone.

Humid or hot days we will go to the fitness center and walk there. Again, at lease 1 mile, but there is nothing stopping us from more if we are up to it. And there are weight machines so we can work on other parts of the body.

Which reminds me: Anyone try that shake weight thing you see in commercials? I am soooo tempted to snag one at Target to try....

I have to admit: I am looking forward to walking outside each evening. I mean, who can complain about exercising when this is your view?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The One Where We Get A Bed

I bought my first "adult" bed roughly 13 years ago. I fell in love with it in the furniture store: queen size, cherry wood, four poster bed, and it was high enough off the ground that I could slide boxes under it without problems.

For the record, standing only 5' 2 1/2" resulted in my having to take a running leap to get on to the bed. That or climb on to it carefully. I never did find a good step stool.


When A moved in with me, the bed was 8 years old. And when I say "bed" I mean the mattresses as well.

Last May, my mother decided to get herself a smaller bed. We inherited her queen size metal sleigh bed and the mattresses to go with it. There was no hesitation in getting rid of the old bed. Not even for a second.

When we decided to move, A's grandmother had just had her bedroom redone with new furniture. She offered us her old set, complete with queen size bed minus mattresses. We jumped at the offer, realizing that it meant we could give my brother the bed we were currently using and not have to drag anything extra across the country. All we had to do was buy a new mattress and box spring.

We realized that we weren't in a position to buy mattresses right after moving. There were other expenses that were more important. So, when we left our bed behind, we took the futon mattress that my brother had been sleeping on.

Make sure you read that last line: we took the futon mattress, but not the actual futon. Planning to only need to use it for a week until we could pick-up mattresses.

On the drive out, A and I experienced sleeping in a King size bed.

And that is how our plans changed.

Fast forward to our arrival: we decided we could sleep on the futon mattress, laid on the floor of the bedroom, an extra 2 weeks if it meant getting a bigger bed.

Internets, that was the longest 2 weeks of my life. Especially as the mattress was a full size one.

Our cat didn't even bother trying to sleep with us. We were on the floor with him, so he took to sleeping on the carpet near us since there was no room between us.

Well, last Friday it arrived. A beautiful King size bed, with new mattress we picked out. And new sheets that we picked out and washed to use on our new big bed.

Life has returned to normal as far as sleep is concerned. With an added addition:

Apparently, someone is under the impression this purchase was for him.

That position you see him in? With his tummy exposed?

Well, since I don't reach the foot of our bed, that is how he sleeps every night.

Definitely a good investment, don't you think?

Friday, May 14, 2010

Cycle Day 43...

...and there is no end in sight.

No spotting.

Just crabbiness and ongoing mood swings.

I just know if I actually blow money on a pregnancy test that my period will start. That's just the way things always work out.

I seriously need to make a doctor's appointment now that things are settled.

Pray for my husband.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Dear Aunt Flo,

I've made a checklist of what to expect when you visit. I find myself wishing you would schedule your visits a little more routinely, but the surprise isn't too bad.

To be completely honest, I find myself excited when you visit. A little frustrated as to what your visit means as far as what my body did and did not do since your last visit, but still excited that something happened. Without medical intervention.

Back to the checklist. I normally don't have to worry about too much from you. But I can count on cravings, bloating, and cramps. My moods come and go, but normally it isn't that bad. At least A hasn't run screaming from the apartment, right?

This month you seem to be acting like a royal bitch.

I've had spotting, very faint and pink last week, a little darker today, but still incredibly faint.

I'm already a big girl, but you've made my breasts swell enough to make anything but a sports bra uncomfortable. There's no soreness, and I can't honestly tell if anything else has changed.

The bloating is not helping with adapting to a new climate. The warm days are worse, as I am now at a new elevation and dealing with days of humidity. I find myself having to raise my feet each night to get them to their normal size.

My emotional roller coaster this last weekend is manageable today. I still weep at the oddest things on television. I mean, yes, it's beautiful to see Leo and Piper reunited on Charmed. But when Sam and Dean are facing down a demon on Supernatural and I get teary....

Don't even get me started on how sad I feel for the corpses on CSI. Especially since these are reruns in syndication that I have seen at least 5 times each.

This letter isn't meant to complain. It's to beg you to make up your mind.

Either disrupt my life for a week and let me move on, or just stop with the extra crap. I am tired. I don't want to be second guessing every twinge and spot of pink, thinking maybe we did manage to get pregnant.

I want to just get this over with.

So, please, dear Aunt Flo. Just get your visit over with so I can enjoy the new bed and sheets that we will have at the end of this week without wondering if I am going to ruin them.

Yours Until Menopause,


Monday, May 10, 2010

The One Where PMS Nearly Kills Me

Friday was a wonderful day. We were approved for a line of credit at a local furniture store, so together picked out our new king size bed. It will be delivered this Thursday, giving us time to reorganize and clean up a little.

Saturday there was a light pinkish tint after urinating. My hopes got high, but I realized there was no way this was happening now and that it was the beginning of my cycle coming along and not a sign of implantation. We went and watched Iron Man 2, walked out at the mall, and headed home.

Somewhere in the middle of all that I realized Sunday was Mother's Day. And that's when the depression smacked me upside the head and had me crying.

My husband does what he can when he sees me like this, but I just needed room to breathe and deal with it all.

I wish I could tell you Sunday was better.

But if you haven't noticed the title of this post, take a moment to let it all sink in.

I slept at least 75% of the day away. In between that there was mild cramping and crying.

Some advice: Never watch Father of the Bride I & II when in this condition. I really think A was afraid to touch me by this point.

Today I feel saner. The pink is turning to a dark brown. The cramps are still in the background.

And I am holding my breath, waiting for Cycle Day 1 so we can do this all over again.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

This is just pure AWESOME!

I am a Star Wars dork, and this had me laughing so hard.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Cycle Day 33

So, the PMS-type signs are there. But no apparent cycle in site.

And no, I didn't test for ovulation. With the move and all it would have been hard.

I need to find a doctor and get back to this baby thing. I am also contemplating some alternative methods, and will report on those if they happen.

For now, I read about all those getting pregnant around me and smile for them. Sunday is Mother's Day, and I hope that all their pregnancies go well and they have many more days to celebrate.

But my heart still breaks. Stupid chemical pregnancy. I can't get past the fact that I should be pregnant by now.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Learned on the Road

So I spent the better part of 4 days driving my car across the country.

I am a CA girl, and in CA there are no real rules about what to do when a vehicle is pulled over by a cop other than be careful. At least I have never hear of one in writing that specifies you must move to the other lane or slow down.

Which we found out about just outside Flagstaff, AZ.

Apparently, it's a law. One none of us had heard about or seen anywhere. But my father-in-law and grandaddy were pulled over by a state trooped type person for not having done so.

They were driving the moving van in the slow lane, we were in the fast lane just ahead of them, and so the official pulled them over, ran the license, and issued them a warning about the law.

When we drove into every state after that, we noticed signs explaining this law and reminding drivers. Especially as we came further east. They were on the freeway every 5-10 miles it seemed.

Could you imagine the mess this would make back in CA? I mean, traffic accidents can snarl up freeways for hours during heavy traffic times. If everyone had to merge left I think there would be more accidents there.

Oh, and when you see an oncoming emergency vehicle with their lights and sirens on in your rearview mirror hear in Roanoke?

Nothing changes except to get out of their lane. No stopping. No moving to the right. Just continue the flow of traffic and be alert to what is happening around you.

I seriously ticked off some drivers this last week when I slowed down....