Dear Aunt Flo,

I've made a checklist of what to expect when you visit. I find myself wishing you would schedule your visits a little more routinely, but the surprise isn't too bad.

To be completely honest, I find myself excited when you visit. A little frustrated as to what your visit means as far as what my body did and did not do since your last visit, but still excited that something happened. Without medical intervention.

Back to the checklist. I normally don't have to worry about too much from you. But I can count on cravings, bloating, and cramps. My moods come and go, but normally it isn't that bad. At least A hasn't run screaming from the apartment, right?

This month you seem to be acting like a royal bitch.

I've had spotting, very faint and pink last week, a little darker today, but still incredibly faint.

I'm already a big girl, but you've made my breasts swell enough to make anything but a sports bra uncomfortable. There's no soreness, and I can't honestly tell if anything else has changed.

The bloating is not helping with adapting to a new climate. The warm days are worse, as I am now at a new elevation and dealing with days of humidity. I find myself having to raise my feet each night to get them to their normal size.

My emotional roller coaster this last weekend is manageable today. I still weep at the oddest things on television. I mean, yes, it's beautiful to see Leo and Piper reunited on Charmed. But when Sam and Dean are facing down a demon on Supernatural and I get teary....

Don't even get me started on how sad I feel for the corpses on CSI. Especially since these are reruns in syndication that I have seen at least 5 times each.

This letter isn't meant to complain. It's to beg you to make up your mind.

Either disrupt my life for a week and let me move on, or just stop with the extra crap. I am tired. I don't want to be second guessing every twinge and spot of pink, thinking maybe we did manage to get pregnant.

I want to just get this over with.

So, please, dear Aunt Flo. Just get your visit over with so I can enjoy the new bed and sheets that we will have at the end of this week without wondering if I am going to ruin them.

Yours Until Menopause,

Grace