Friday, December 31, 2010

Time For A New Year

Can you believe it’s been a year since I posted my goals for 2010?

I reread the 3 items and had to smile.

1. I almost made the 10% weight loss by the third week of September when I stopped tracking calories and loss.

2. We made the drive from California to Virginia safely. And with the cat.

3. I spent all the time I could with the people who mattered the most right up until our last night in California. I still manage to keep in touch when possible, and have been surprised a couple of times by the people who have made the effort to call.

I don’t have a list for 2011. I have a little less than 22 weeks left to go before I meet the little person we have created, and after that I honestly don’t know where we will go next. There’s no need to try and set goals when the second half of the year will be in the hands of my child.

Our plan for this last day of 2010 is simple: spend it together with Shadow. Some pizza, some movies, and time to enjoy the quiet.

I still can’t believe where we are today. Where we were a year ago. That we’ve come so far. And we still have such a journey ahead of us.

And I really believe that it will be the greatest journey ever.

Thursday, December 30, 2010


Working from home means I literally spend every day in a chair in our sun room.

Being on vacation this week has meant moving more. We've been out running errands, to a local museum, and then putting away the Christmas decorations.

What have I noticed?

That if I stand still for too long my lower back

Apparently, my center of gravity is shifting, and my body is making the necessary adjustments.

The funny part?

I'm still not really showing. My abdomen is a lot more solid than it was, but still not really making me look pregnant. My jeans are a little snugger. My underwear kills me by the end of the day. But overall, I don't see a change.

At least not until after dinner. Then if I stand up you can tell that something is sticking out a little in an area that didn't have that before.

The big lesson this week: I need to get up and walk more everyday. And start doing something to stretch my back. Otherwise it's going to be a long journey until June.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Colonel is Still Happy

On Christmas Eve, we had dinner with A's family. This included his parents, sisters, grandparents, and an uncle, aunt, and cousin.

Dinner and dessert were absolutely amazing. And afterwards we sat at the table and talked about pretty random topics.

His aunt asked me who was handling our delivery and I told her about the Colonel. She recognized the name immediately, and asked how I'd managed to get lucky enough to have him take me as a patient.

Apparently, he is really well known, and has been known to have waiting lists of women who want him as their doctor. One of the only advantages to everything we have been through is that the Colonel is known for handling high-risk patients, and I managed to slide in during an opening he had.

Which brings me to wanting to do this right. I really have been careful about what we eat, and if it's something that may trigger a spike then I immediately grab the insulin.

Today we heard that wonderful heartbeat again, and then he reviewed my sugars and complimented me on the numbers.

We have a two week break from visits, and the next one will be at exactly 20 weeks. The best part: it's the "official" ultrasound, so I will get to see him again.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Our Last Week Off Alone

We were talking about how we can't believe that this Friday will be the end of the year.

It's been a year since I told work of our move date and then held my breath waiting for the reaction.

It's been 11 months since that positive pregnancy test that wasn't.

I took this week off from work to relax one last time before the new year swept in. And last night I realized this was our last vacation alone.

Next time I take time from work it will be when my water breaks and our baby is being born.

So we are taking this week to enjoy each other. Time watching movies. A trip to the museum. Watching the snow come down.

I can't believe how much has happened in the last 12 months...

Friday, December 24, 2010

Today is What?

I don't know how it got to be Christmas Eve.

This year is so low key, with the only gift bought was for my 8 year-old sister-in-law. We've been relaxing, and enjoying the quiet.

Suddenly, we are being reminded that dinner is tonight at 6.

Seriously, where did the time go?

To everyone out there, may your holidays be filled with love and family, no matter what holiday it is that you celebrate.....

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Amnio

I went into that exam room yesterday without any real fear.

Is that odd? People have been telling me that the needle was huge and scary. That it hurt to feel it going in.

I mean, you name it, I heard it.

But the second the ultrasound came on, and I saw that little head and hands, and then heard that heart beating....

The world always seem so perfect and serene at that moment, and I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face if I wanted to.

Before the test, A and I had agreed that he was not going to be able to handle watching. He was there for support, to hold my hand and make sure I was okay.

The thing is, we both missed it.

He sat in a chair watching the baby moving and talking with us. The ultrasound tech was there on my right talking and pointing things out on the monitor there. The nurse was at my feet, handing the doctor on my left things. But neither of us ever saw the needle.

Maybe it's the insulin I have to inject. Maybe it really is that I have no real aversion to injections. All I know is that it felt like one of my injections. There was a slight pinch that coincided with what I was seeing on the screen. Then the baby swatting at the intrusion.

And then it was over.

Before the amnio, the baby's heart rate was a steady and strong 140 before the exam. Right after it had risen to 153, but was slowing as we watched.

My little trooper.

And yes, we told the ultrasound tech that we wanted to know the sex. I was exactly 17 weeks, and she warned it might be too early. But she did what she could.

The baby was sleeping like a bunny: tummy down, but up in the air. Which would have been perfect if it wasn't for the umbilical cord that was apparently blocking the view.

Next think I know she is bouncing the wand on my stomach, pushing to make the baby bounce, attempting to clear the way.

And she thinks she managed to clear it all, and what was left had to be only one thing.

My son's anatomy.

We've been warned that until the lab results come back next week that it isn't 100%. I have the picture of what she saw, and the more I look the more I am convinced she is right.

We've both been saying "he" for months. And it feels natural to say it out loud.

But until next week's call, we are still just hoping everything is okay.

And that I can start shopping for blue things.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Cat is Confused - And Definitely Mama's Boy

In the 5+ years that A and I have lived together, we have never elected to sleep apart.

Yes, he may stay up until 2am playing games or watching movies, but he comes to bed. He's there when I wake up, and vice versa.

There was a 1 week work trip just before we found out about the PCOS where we were apart. But we were texting good night, good morning, and I miss you.

Yes, we make people ill. Even now.

Sunday night, we grilled some salmon and made some sides. Once the fish was cooked, all thought of actually eating it made me ill. So I opted to skip the main part of dinner, and A went ahead and helped himself.

He woke up yesterday morning and proceeded to throw up. He felt better, ate something, and then proceeded to do it again.

It was a long afternoon.

We both agreed that we couldn't risk this being a bug, and I immediately set up camp for myself on the couch. He needed quicker access to the bathroom, and the couch is actually perfect for sleeping on.

I actually nap there frequently.

Now, the cat is not allowed free roam of the apartment when unsupervised. When we leave for anything, he is told "Beds!" and then promptly runs into the bedroom. We close him off in half of the apartment, allowing access to the food and litter box and also the bedroom. He isn't allowed in the living room and kitchen so as to avoid any accidents.

The same is true when we go to sleep. Shadow will come with us, and has access to his normal domain and sleeps with us in out king size bed.

So last night, as A was about to drift off, we agreed to leave the apartment open for him. We knew that if I didn't come to bed, the cat would be trying to tear his way out. The assumption was that if given the freedom, he would wander and eventually climb into bed as usual.


That cat slept on top of the chair closest the couch. He followed me on potty runs, and promptly came back to sleep nearby.

He did attempt to sleep with me, but soon realized there wasn't enough room. And the return to the couch resulted in him sitting next to the couch and purring.

If there was ever any doubt on who he favored, there is no doubt now.

Especially since I left my pillows on the couch and he is still using them now to sleep away the day...

Monday, December 20, 2010

Apparently I'm Doing Better Than I Thought

I watch my blood sugar religiously.

To me, the numbers aren't perfect. I mean, they are still better than they have been in over 3 years, but occasionally I miss the mark that the Endocrinologist has set.

But after seeing him today I feel good.

He says the numbers are just right. Considering the baby is now actively using his/her own system for things, I was warned the numbers would spike and to watch for them.

But that hasn't really happened. I've been able to keep things stable by still watching what I eat and making sure that everything feels okay.

The best part about today's appointment?

Unless I notice a problem, I don't have to go back for 2 months!

Friday, December 17, 2010

I Need This Luck for the Lotto....

First, I have discovered I love walking through the snow.

As long as there is no wind, the cold feels good. I layer up in clothes, and go stomping through the crusty snow, and feel good after 20 minutes. It's so beautiful out, and the cold goes with A's body temperature, too. I laughed when I realized that the one season I figured it would be impossible to get me outside to walk turns out to be the one season I love it.

Course, I need proper footwear. My sneakers don't leak, but they aren't high enough for my poor socks.

Oh, and watching my husband scout the path ahead and then wait to hold my hand over the icy patches.... I really love that man.

Last night, our complex had a holiday party. Basically, the club room was filled with finger foods, desserts, and sodas for everyone to enjoy. They allowed people to bring their own booze and anything else to share.

And there were raffles for prizes.

The party was from 6-9, and we bundled up and made it down at about 7:20. I snagged fried chicken and some fudge, while A snacked on some pinwheel sandwiches.

As we walked in, they were in the middle of a raffle for prizes. We wandered a bit, snagged, our food once they were done, and then were talking when the woman who had leased us the apartment walked up. She realized we hadn't gotten a raffle ticket, and there was one last prize to give away.

Guess who won 10 minutes later?

So, we have a $25 gift card to Outback. I have another one that I got for free coming in the mail. And we definitely can eat for under $50 there.

Mmmmm. Prime rib.

Now, if only we could manage something like this with the Lotto, then we'd be set...

Thursday, December 16, 2010


These days, I am feeling good. About pretty much everything.

But especially about the gurgles, which is what I call the odd feeling in my abdomen.

Sunday afternoon, I was sitting in the chair when I felt something like bubbles. It wasn't gas. It was too low to be gas.

And then the light bulb went off.

I'm not feeling it everyday, but I know when I do feel something what it is.

The baby is moving...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Colonel Is Content

We went for a quick visit today, and had a chance to speak with the Colonel about how things are going.

Then we did the lay down and pull down pants and underwear to bare my abdomen. After the last 2 attempts I wasn't as excited. I just was talking with them all, and then felt the jelly.

The Colonel gave the general talk about how it may not be heard yet, and suddenly stopped moving the Doppler.

And there it was. A strong steady beating. Sounding healthy and alive.

I looked right at A and said, "That's your baby!" And he grinned and laughed.

Everything is going like it should.

Yes, I have more days than not that I wake up and wonder if that will be the day that the rug is yanked out from under us.

But with each appointment, I realize the baby is really there. And is doing fine.

Monday, December 13, 2010


My FIL called.

You should know that his father, A's grandfather, is a mechanic. He works on cars and tractors, and has taken care of my car since we moved here to make sure it was ready for inspection.

Apparently, while visiting this weekend, he asked if anyone knew if my car had been winterized.

I literally answered with, "What's that?"

Needless to say that one day this week grandpa will be coming by to pick up the car. He will perform his magic, and my car should make it through the winter.

Honestly, I learn something new everyday...

Friday, December 10, 2010

Star Wars Day!

So today is the day to wear your Star Wars gear. Even working from home, I made sure that today I wore my favorite shirt for the occasion:

As a side note: I won't be wearing this again anytime soon after today. Apparently, I am growing and the shirt fits a little more snugly than it did this summer...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Don't Forget: Wear Your Star Wars Gear Tomorrow!

When I first read the news story about Katie, a 7 year-old girl who was being bullied for liking Star Wars, I cried. I know, hormones, but I also remember loving all things odd and never really fitting in with my class at times. It was an odd place to be, and it got easier as I got older and my world grew from 27 people in my elementary school class to over 300 in my high school graduating class.

Aren't familiar with Katie? Read THIS article.

And then remember to wear your Star Wars gear tomorrow, December 10th.

I'm not doing it only for Katie. I am doing it for our baby, because whether a boy or girl, this baby is being born into a Star Wars home.

And will always be encouraged to love whatever it is that makes them happy, whether it happens to be a Wookie, a Transformer, or a Disney princess - regardless of gender.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Brutal Truth

One of my mother's closest friends is a mother of 5. Their children are spaced out pretty well, and by some coincidence their last 2 daughters are close enough to my sister and my ages that spending time with them growing up was fun. It was liking having 2 older sisters who were cool and told us about high school and boys.

Their next 2 oldest girls were a league ahead of us, already finishing high school and driving and dating when we still were wondering why they needed boys all the time. It was interesting to watch them get ready to go out, but there was never any urge to spend time with them as they seemed older.

The oldest of the five was their only son. He was always home, and often hung around with us and his youngest sisters. He was born mentally handicapped, and they kept him at home and took care of him.

I remember him trying to learn basic sign. He has never spoken, and even now relies on his parents. I believe he is well over 50 today, and things have not improved other than now there are more programs so that he is able to get out with groups and go to movies and do things that weren't available when he was growing up.

Where am I going with all this?

We had to have a serious talk this weekend about testing. The doctor has given us the averages and the percentages. But in the end we needed to decide. We needed to tell him if we wanted more tests to check for genetic issues.

Including Down Syndrome.

What it all boiled down to was thinking about my mom's friend. She and her husband are retired, their girls married, their grandchildren doing everything from kindergarten to working after completing college. But they still have someone they take care of daily. They make plans for dinner out around activity schedules in order to be able to sit and eat without having to worry.

This is going to sound so selfish, but I don't want to be doing that 50 years from now. I would like to be taking my grandchildren for overnights. I would like to be retired and watching as my children grow old and lead their lives.

I told all this to A and he understood. He knows that I need to know, and he respects that it's my body and I need to choose how much I allow to be done. He also agreed that it would be a lot of work to raise someone with special needs, and it would be better to know now and decide then if it's what we are prepared to do.

So we've scheduled the amnio for 12/22. My FIL is driving us there and back, and work knows I will be working via laptop on the couch. The husband is prepared to handle dinner and take care of me.

I never though this would be the hardest decision we had to make as a married couple. And, honestly, it's not done. Not until we have the results and know what we do next.

Monday, December 6, 2010

A Real First

This weekend was spent indoors. Taking it easy. Because of the weatherman.

I actually stayed awake long enough on Thursday to see that they were expect flurries at some point on Friday. Driving home from the doctor on Friday, it looked like something was hitting the windshield, but neither of us could verify what it was.

Saturday morning, I peeked out the blinds and checked. The skies were bleak, but the ground was dry. No rain, no nothing. Not even the wind was blowing.

I want to say the phone rang at about 5:30. It was definitely dark out. And I was ladling out the chili from the crock pot while A answered.

Then laughed, looked at me, and told his father that he'd have me check out the window for snow.

I squealed, people. Literally squealed in joy. And immediately started snapping pictures on my cell phone.

We inhaled dinner, put on some layers, and went outside to this:

I lasted all of 15 minutes. If that.

We went back upstairs, and I proceeded to text, Tweet, and Facebook all about our first snow. My first ACTUAL snow fall. Outside my home.

Sunday morning, everything was covered in a white blanket. I could not believe it.

And of course had to run out for more pictures!

And make my first snowball...

It was gone by mid-afternoon. The wind has picked up since then.

But according to The Weather Channel, this weekend it will be back. Both days.

Time to stock the groceries!

Friday, December 3, 2010


Doctor's appointment has come and gone.

With no heart beat to listen to.

The doctor explained that it may be hard to pick anything up until the 18th week, and he did check things and said everything else looked good.

And then he reminded me that my uterus tilts forward, which isn't a bad thing, but can cause issues when listening to the heart.

My uterus just can't cooperate, can it?

But this weekend we get to talk about how seriously we want to know about genetic issues the baby may have. Because we have to let him know on Monday if we would prefer to have the amnio or not in 2 weeks.

Talk about an interesting weekend...

Thursday, December 2, 2010


When I'm not working, I scour the Internets for blogs. I click on links from regular readers I have bookmarked, and the ads on the sites from Blogher. Through them, I've found a steady group of infertile people who have gone through what we have, and many much more.

The most amazing thing is that so many of these women have found themselves pregnant this year. And there are a few that happen to be about as far along as I am.

And they have started posting belly pics.

The running joke at home is that I am too fluffy to have a baby belly right now. Just before Thanksgiving, both A's mom and grandmother asked if I was showing yet. He answered no while I shook my head and cursed the fluff.

There are still days when I can't believe I am pregnant. There is no feeling of movement yet, and with the fluff in the way I can't even stare in the mirror.

Do I feel a change?

Yes. Especially after the weight loss this last summer, where certain things, like underwear, was beginning to fit loosely. It's now back to a real fit, and even snug at the end of the day.

And let's face it: the end of the day is my favorite time.

I lay on the couch and can feel the top of my uterus. Yes, it's a combination of bladder and eating all day, but I love to lay down for about an hour before bed and just rest my hands on my belly.

Next appointment is tomorrow, and I am praying that the heartbeat is there to listen to. That would just be the best start to the weekend for us.