Do you remember Carly Simon?

When my nieces were small, my sister and I would make plans to take them places or show them things. To us, telling them about these upcoming events were thought of as something to get them excited and ramped up for the upcoming event.

My mother always warned us that it was building up anticipation and that wasn't good. She would then sing like Carly Simon:

Anticipation...

Which is what I realized last week was being done to me by my Endocrinologist.

She has been amazing, don't get me wrong. And for the first time in years, I feel as if my diabetes is under some kind of control. It feels good. But when I went to meet with the nutritionist last month she was surprised at how I was measuring things. And I should have taken that as a sign...

Since last summer, I have been measuring my glucose levels at the frequency of a woman who has been diagnosed with diabetes while pregnant. That means taking a fasting sugar in the morning, and then again 1 hour after each meal.

And the numbers she gave me to aim for have been for a pregnant woman, resulting in an increase in insulin before bed to get the lower fasting number. Not to mention the addition of insulin during the day, prior to each meal.

Basically, I've been living as if I was pregnant. Watching everything and being so careful in anticipation of conceiving. And the conceiving never happened.

After A and I talked last week, I stopped doing it.

I have taken my insulin injections each night, but I have reduced the amount so that I still fall within the range for a normal person. I only test my blood sugar in the morning to get a fasting. I do need to test after at least 1 meal each day, but I am taking a break until after Christmas to worry about that.

And no insulin before meals unless I know it's one that will cause me to spike. Which is rare, because we have cut so many things from our diet in the 8 months.

Yes, I still am taking prenatal vitamins. I bought 200 of them, and since they aren't hurting anything I will take them until they are gone. Which will be the longest I have stuck to taking any daily vitamin since I stopped eating Flintstones chewables as a child.

I honestly believe that all that extra stuff added to my stress and emotional issues because I was so focused on thinking pregnant that when it didn't happen I couldn't wrap my head around it. And I think that A has seen a difference in the last few days.

So, no more anticipation. And once again, my mom was right.