Shake Shake Shake!

Yes, I gave in finally:



It arrived this morning, and I've already played with it a little.

I need to watch the DVD, learn how many calories it burns, and include it each day in my routine.

Then I will add back in step aerobics ala Wii Fit Plus.

It's time to take things up a notch....

While Waiting in the Lobby

Me: You know what I just realized.

A: What?

Me: Based on the 1st day of this cycle, if I were normal, then I'd be ovulating on our 2nd wedding anniversary.


...the look on my face made him just hold my hand and wait quietly for our appointment...

Wordless Wednesday

Cycle Day 2

Yesterday afternoon I began feeling some heavy cramps. Then the urge to pee. And then I realized my cycle had started.

I was good and immediately called the doctor, and was able to get in this morning for an ultrasound.

The good news is that once again the doctor was able to locate all the right parts. Ovaries were there, uterus size was normal, and he looked very happy with what he saw.

The bad is that the cyst was still there. It's gotten smaller, but he said it would take another month or two to clear completely, and until then he didn't want to risk the clomid and trying anything to get pregnant.

So, we are home. I am writing in the calendar to look for a cycle in 4 weeks, and if nothing then I need to refill the progesterone to have a cycle. Repeat that again in 4 weeks, and then schedule an appointment with him for another ultrasound. If the cyst is gone, he will move forward.

I have 8 weeks, roughly, to lose some weight, get the diabetes under control, and do whatever I can to promote fertility in my system.

Time to start looking at books...

8 lbs Later

Since my doctor's appointment on July 14, I have started tracking daily food intake. The food diary has actually helped me learn to portion out my food, and count everything.

The results: I am down 8lbs so far. And I haven't even added the exercise portion of our routine back in.

Best part is that A is getting into this now, and I am making sure that things we cook are accounted for by portion. He is being good about watching his intake, not to the level I am, and he is feeling better too.

I did want to share something from one of the books. Years ago I picked up this cookbook and flipped through it a couple of times. Then this last Saturday, I actually stopped to look at it. And the next thing you know I was flagging recipes, and A took his turn and flagged a few he wanted to try.

Including a meatless lasagna!! With a white sauce and artichokes!

After shopping and deciding on meals, I actually READ the cookbook.

You all should know that I am a numbers person. If I can see the numbers and logic behind things, then it makes more sense to me. And up until Saturday I was guessing on what my goal should be for daily calorie intake.

Then I saw how to do the math...

First get your base metabolism by taking your weight and multiplying by 10. Add to this 10% of the total to cover the calories need to actually eat and digest your food. Next add 10% of that total if your daily activity level is low, 20% if it is moderate, or 30% if it is high.

The total is an estimate of your base calorie needs if you want to maintain your current weight. According to this book. I am not a dietitian, but the numbers seem logical, and so I did the math and was gawking at the number. Seriously, it was outrageous.

Now, it continues on to explain that to lose 1lb a week you would need to eat 3500 less calories a week. The idea is to reduce your calorie intake by 500 each day to maintain an even loss. You can do the math to see what it would take to get to the number you want to lose per week, and at the same time can see that as your weight goes down the scale slides down as well. At some point you have to get to a goal weight and learn to eat to maintain it. Also, if you exercise more, the calories your burn can be entered each day to subtract from actual intake.

Does this make sense?

Let's take my weight from the visit.

I was 297lbs, so my base metabolism would 2970. Add 10% for digestion and I get 3267. Without any real exercise other than basic day-to-day movement, I will add another 10% to the total and base calorie needs are 3594.

See, told you it was obscene!

According to the food diary, I am averaging half that each day. I am not going hungry, I eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, and can also add a scoop of ice cream at night. I am not left wanting.

And I have now lost 8lbs. And of course have done a new calculation to see where I should be for the next week.

The book does warn about taking you calories too low, as your body thinks it's starving and slows down your metabolism. I am snacking to make sure to keep myself happy throughout the day, with the difference being that I am snacking smarter.

It's all about portions.

I don't mean to bore anyone about the dieting thing. I just know that I need to get that under control in order to get the diabetes under control so that I can have a healthy baby.

In the end, it's always going to come back to having a healthy baby. And that will mean watching my intake to make sure there is enough for both of us to survive on without hurting one another.

And that is what I am learning....

An Open Letter

Dear advertising unit at Apple,

First off, I want to thank you for all the fun commercials over the years. I have to admit that I was not on the iPhone bandwagon right away. But your ads helped change that, and I am currently saving to be able to upgrade to the iPhone 4 this winter.

I really cannot wait!

That being said, I understand that the face chat feature is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Especially now that I am on the other side of the country from my family. Being able to sit and talk with them like that would be amazing.

As someone struggling with infertility I do have one request:

LAY OFF THE BABY ADS!

I have to admit, the first montage showing the people signing to one another, and then the other uses for the phone, including a deployed father seeing his wife at an ultrasound was touching.

Since then, though, this seems to be the theme in stand-alone spots, and I really do hate your ads enough to turn the channel.

First there is the woman telling her husband about being pregnant.

Then the introduction of the newborn to the grandfather across the world.

There has to be other reasons to use a face chat program. ANYTHING ELSE WOULD DO!

I apologize for yelling. It's just that I don't think you realize how the ads have gone from sweet to just a flat out slap in the face.

Of course, my mood will change completely when I finally have a child of my own. I will probably buy a phone for my mother so I can chat with her and have her grandchildren chat with her and know her.

But that's besides the point.

Please find something else that people may use that feature for, okay?

Thanks for taking the time to read this,

Grace

Thermostat Wars

Apparently, we are going through another heat wave.

I have to write it that way because if it wasn't for the weather update that happened to be going off as I hit snooze this morning, I wouldn't have a clue.

Not a single clue.

Why?

I work from home. I grocery shop once a week. And I have no urge to go outside at all. I like being a hermit, with my Kindle, computer, and large library of movies.

It's supposedly 90+ outside, and it's humid.

HUMID.

Now, the only down side to this is that, as I have mentioned, A runs warm. I run cold. And the AC works so well that I am wrapped in a blanket.

I know we will eventually find the ideal temperature. It's a matter of learning what is comfortable for both of us. Finding our comfort zones.

I just want to not have to wear socks all the time so that my toes don't freeze, that's all...

The Food Diary

After the appointment last Wednesday, when I saw my weight in bright red digital numbers, and the letter from my new RE telling me to seek out help with my blood sugar, it was time for drastic measures.

I've attempted the exercising, the dieting, the carb counting. But it always was too easy to think I was eating healthy and then ruin it.

I mean, do you know what 2oz of vermicelli noodles, dry, looks like?

How about 2oz of lunch meat?

Yeah, exactly.

A year ago I purchased a scale for the kitchen. This thing is spiffy and comes with a booklet containing a list of foods and corresponding codes. The codes are for the food you are weighing, so if you enter it then the display looks like a nutrition guide label on the side of a box of crackers.

I used it twice. Then packed it to bring here.

Well, Monday I unpacked it, and it's been used 2-3 times a day. I am making sure that my portions are what should be an actual portion. I am making sure the chicken breast I eat is exactly accounted for and not just estimated to be about a certain size.

And it's all on an Excel spreadsheet.



I've color coded breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. I total the calories, carbs, protein, fiber, and net carbs each day.

I even added a column to put my glucose levels after eating each meal so I can see the numbers each day.

Will this last? I really don't know.

But even if documenting every last drop of food I intake doesn't, I am getting a sense for portion sizes.

And I am using that for both our dinners.

I actually took the time to measure out 2 servings of dry pasta last night, 1 serving of sauce, and used just that. We split that with a chicken breast each, coated with Italian seasoning, Parmesan cheese, and garlic powder, and we were both happy.

The other major bonus:

Last night after seeing a movie, A asked if I wanted to have dessert someplace. I was able to tell him I had reached my calorie numbers for the day and would have to plan for another night.

And he was completely okay with coming home to snack on a Popsicle.

Now to add back in the exercise at a steady level....

I Have A Confession To Make....

My husband and I have always had an understanding when it comes to going to see movies.

In the past, my sister, nieces, and mother were always willing to see a chick flick with me, so he has never been subjected to those trips. On the flip side, I do not see horror/terror/slasher flicks, but again my entire family, including brother, love those films. So, in the end, neither of us has had to see a movie alone.

Ever.

Until 2 weeks ago.

See, I tore through the Twilight books. As in I read 4 books in under 1 week. The first one I read in under 7 hours.

The first 2 movies I saw with my sister and nieces.

And here is where I apologize to the fans.

The first movie really was just not that great. And with the sparkling vampire bit, there was no way I would ever make my husband watch it. The second movie was better, still not what I would think of as outstanding, but it was all about seeing a shirtless Jacob.

Again, nothing that A would want to go see.

So, when the latest film came out, I had to decide: wait for rental or go alone.

I opted to go alone.

And it was fine. The movie was good. There were all of 9 people, including me, in the theater. I actually laughed a couple of times, and I can honestly say that everyone seems to finally be happy/comfortable with their roles.

Then it ended and I got to the car.

It didn't hit me until the drive home that I didn't have someone to talk to about the movie. And then I realized that when I laughed in the theater I had looked to the seat next to me to make a comment to my sister.

I missed my sister.

Needless to say I came home and was a wreck. It was my first full-blown feeling of homesickness, and I didn't want to be hugged or told it was okay. I wanted my sister to be there to talk to and laugh and make snarky comments.

After I got everything out, A stood there and didn't know what to do or say. He let me calm down, and then apologized for not realizing I wanted someone to go to the movie with me.

So, some time in the next week we are going to see New Moon together. I've promised he will like this installment, and I won't make him watch the others. He's made me promise that I tell him when I need him to do these things because he is more than willing to go with me.

I made sure he understood that I will still not see horror/terror/slasher flicks in theaters.

But I would be willing to watch them on Pay-Per-View here at home. On the couch. During daylight hours.

With a blanket I could hide under.

...and my sister on speed dial to make me laugh at the tensest moments.

This Made Me Laugh

We finally took the time to see Toy Story 3 with my SIL on Saturday afternoon.

If you haven't seen it, make the time. It was definitely worth it, and made me realize that we will never get rid of our children's toys when they outgrow them.

Afterwards we had shopping to do, and came across this:



Perfect timing, yes?

You Would Have Thought I'd Learned My Lesson By Now...

The mail today had a letter from the RE.

My A1c was high. A lot higher than the last time it was looked at in April.

So, the diet has to start. And the full blown exercising. And the blood testing at every available moment.

We both knew that this was going to happen, but it still feels like a shock, you know?

The diabetes battle begins anew.

The only upside to this whole thing:

The nearest doctor is less than a mile from the house, and I can get there without any lights or major roads.

Just trying to focus on the positive...

I Can See Clearly Now...

Yes, we have been having some hot weather. But with it we get thunder and lightning, which end the end makes things muggy.

But this was the scene after the last storm. And after the appointment yesterday, I think it is rather appropriate....

The Good and The Bad

The Good:

I like this doctor.

He only deals with infertility, so when I spoke I didn't have to slow down and repeat. He kept up, and he was very happy to see A there. And that A went in to the room for the exam and held my hand.

He did do a full exam, and unlike other doctors in the past, he was able to locate my ovaries with no problems. He took measurements that made no sense to me, but apparently he was okay with it.

He also lectured about the impact of diabetes on a fetus, and I was ordered to have labs done immediately to have my glucose checked. I have a feeling that my diet is about to become very very strict.

The Bad:

The first day of my last period was on April 2nd. I knew going in to the appointment that I would be prescribed something with progesterone to force a period so we could start.

But when a doctor says the word "cyst" and "ovary" in the same sentence, it is just not a happy feeling.

After the scan, we met back in his office. While I was dressing, A reminded me that a cyst could just be a blood pocket and not to worry about it. The doctor didn't blink, but he also was not going to start on the clomid bandwagon until he knew what it was.

So, I have a prescription. I need to start a cycle, and call them on Day 1. I will be scheduled to go in either that day or the next to be scanned. If the cyst has washed out then we are ready to move forward. If the cyst is still there on my right ovary then he will tell me what to do next.

I guess the main thing to take from today is that I am finally in the hands of someone who will be able to maintain everything for me. All in one office, without me having to juggle.

That and that I have gained back weight because I have been overtaken with summer laziness. So the exercise has to start again immediately. Tomorrow will be busy, so I am planning on some Wii Fit here at home, and then Friday it's back to the treadmill.

Believe it or not, I am relieved. No fibroids or other issues. The only problems are things I need to get a handle on, and I have let slip the grip I once had.

So, back to work...

Fear

By this time tomorrow, my appointment should be wrapping up.

I am terrified of being told that there is something wrong and that we can't have a baby.

It's been over a year, things are still the same, and I am afraid that they will not change.

Please let this doctor be the one who will help us get pregnant.

Where did the weekend go?

I finished my books and have turned the Kindle back over to A. Seriously, that is a dangerous little contraption.

Otherwise, Internets, that is nothing to report. Honestly, nothing...

Just look at pictures from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday:







Going forward, I'm adding an area to the side where I can load the pics daily. This way I can update the weekends during the day without having to post just for the pictures.

Make sense? Good!

A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away...

We arrived in VA at the end of April.

On May 4th, we being the Star Wars fans we are, celebrated Star Wars Day. Why? Because "May the Fourth Be With You", that's why.

Our celebration consisted of watching the original trilogy of films, and quoting and laughing at everything as it played.

Internets, when I say I married the perfect man, I mean it. Our first "date" was to see Episode 3 together. We both loved the music, especially the fight music from the final battle between Obi Wan and Anakin.

I think our neighbors were worried about us and the continuous playing of that one song. That and my lightsaber....

So, anyway, back to this year.

We were getting ready to go to the DMV to have our license's updated. While playing on their site, I saw the option to get custom plates. Now, I've always considered doing this, but never did. And then I tried something...

It was perfect. And you know exactly what part of the movie we were watching when it hit me.

And it was available!

Now, guess what we did and what came in the mail today??



My beloved is out in the heat putting our new plates on the car.

And for the record, if you have no clue what this is in reference to, then go read this and watch Episode IV one more time...

Better Late Than Never?

So, the day got away from me.

The Kindle is evil. Pure evil. The advantage of having an entire library available, and able to download books on a whim is just wrong.

I am so going to hell because of it.

I am currently about 25% of the way through The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. I tore through the other 2 books in the serious in under 48 hours, and cannot stop reading.

The agreement tonight is that I am not downloading anymore books until I have officially finished putting things away and moving things to the storage space.

It's going to be a long weekend.

Also, apparently, there is a heatwave going on. We wouldn't know as we don't leave the apartment for anything. Except the mail.

Sad, I know. But it's okay! We have a Kindle!

Of course, there is thunder and lightning outside right now. No clue where that came from.

Maybe we should try watching the news....

Here is today's microscope pic. I am headed out to try to record the lightning for my sister!

Answering Questions

My new Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) has a set of papers that new patients need to complete and bring with them to their first appointment.

Now, I need to preface this by saying that I personally have never really had something like this to fill out. Yes, first visits with doctor's always require a few pages with notes about family history. Stuff that I don't personally think they review at all because they ask you all the questions once they get you in the room and are feeling vulnerable with only a paper gown on.

So, this was new to me. The packet arrived about a week ago. I opened it, skimmed a couple of pages, and then put it back.

Last Friday was slow at work, so I decided it would be the perfect time to get it done.

I think there should be a warning about the extent of the questions that an RE needs to ask.

And I cried when I got to the page that asked, very clearly, Have You Ever Been Pregnant?

My paperwork looks like a mess. I wrote No, then Yes, then No, then settled on Yes (Chemical Pregnancy).

The next section asked for info on the pregnancy, including what happened and was the result a live birth.

Since the goal here is to be honest, I have to tell you that I stopped there and shoved it back in it's envelope. I played Bejeweled on FaceBook until my wrist was sore, and then I finished the questions.

My appointment is in 1 week. And I am actually dreading it. Mainly because I expect to be told that we have a long road ahead of us, and I am already so tired and frustrated on a daily basis with this.

I just want to get to the day when I am holding my child. I just want to get there.

For now, you all will continue to see daily reminders of what is not happening.

A Girl With Kaleidoscope Eyes...

First, we finish Lego Harry Potter. As in the game is 100% complete. I have 12 achievements to get, and those I can do in free play.

I have issues.

Second, here are the pictures from the weekedn from my handy dandy microscope.

July 3rd:

July 4th:

July 5th:

July 6th:

The picture remains the same. Even that first one, if I had zoom, you'd be able to tell that the blobs have those little intersecting patterns in them.

So, things are moving along, nothing is changing, and I am getting ready to meet with my new doctor on the 14th.

Tomorrow we will discuss the new patient packet I completed. And the crying it inspired.

Acclimated

You may or may not be able to notice this, but the cat has had no problem acclimating. The picture above was taken 2 days ago.

These were taken last month, all on one day over a 2 hour period:









When we first arrived, he had lost a little weight from the stress of time in the car. That was on top of being separated from his litter mate just 6 weeks prior to our leaving.

Now, you would never have known he hadn't always been here.

On that chair.

All day long.

Anyone able to recommend a good way to get pet fur off furniture? Because if anyone else sits in that chair, they come away looking like the remains of the cat from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is stuck to their ass.

Anyone?

When Legos Attack

My husband and I play games. I've mentioned this before. We love to play different types of games, and then there are some we play together.

Prime example: Peggle. Yes, we purchased this not only for our computers but for the XBox 360 as well. That version has a two-player mode where you take turns, and we have been known to play that for hours on end. While listening to music. This occurred at least twice last week after work: 3 hours of Peggle with music on repeat.

I know, we're party animals. How will we ever survive out in the country?!?!

If you question the addictive nature of Peggle, please go speak to my cousin. And her boyfriend. I sent her one of the download codes, and apparently he is addicted.

We won't mention the fact he was visiting us last summer and we introduced him to this....

One of the other games I have come to love is anything related to Legos. From Star Wars and Batman, to Indiana Jones, we have collected them all. We have a few items to pick-up in each game, I think, and then they will be 100% complete.

So guess what we picked up last night?

Why, Lego Harry Potter!

I have to reveal a secret: Harry Potter almost ruined our relationship.

My husband enjoys reading as much as I do. He has a love for the Wheel of Time series. I love Harry Potter. And Twilight. And the Sookie Stackhouse books.

He did try to read Harry Potter once. To him the writing was too juvenile.

I tried reading the Wheel of Time books once. To me the writing was boring as all hell.

To each his own, I suppose.

When the first Transformers movie was about to be released, my nieces had no interest at all in anything that movie showed in previews. There was a Harry Potter movie scheduled to come out about 2 weeks after, and my then boyfriend had a brilliant plan:

If the girls agreed to see Transformers with us, he would go to see Harry Potter with them. And not just that: He would sit through the other movies in order to be caught up with the story.

No, he won't go back and read the books. Yes, he has seen the movies, encouraged me to buy them on Blu-Ray, and is actually looking forward to the last two films that will finish the story.

So the game.

So far, we've completed 2 levels, and run around shooting our wands at anything we can target in Hogwart's. If it wasn't for the fact that I needed sleep, we would have been up later. As it is, I am planning on playing at lunch with him. Another of the advantages of working from home!

We both joke that this game will eat up all our free time. Joke is a loose term there, because we will let it happen. Especially with a three-day weekend looming on us....

And I wish I could say that it's just the video games involving Legos. I have a pretty good collection of Star Wars Lego kits, and we spotted board games in Target the other night.

Someday, our child will thank us.

I say that with actual confidence, regardless of the nothing that is happening in the microscope these days.



Oh, and before anyone asks:

Yes, I have agreed to read the Wheel of Time books. They need to finish the story once and for all so I know there is an end. And I want it on the Kindle.

Have you seen the size of those paperbacks?!?!