Cycle Day 21

Almost every site and book tells you that implantation occurs 7-10 days after fertilization. Some women experience cramping or spotting, and everyone says this is a good thing because it means you have succeeded.

Taking that into account, I would be lying if I told you that I didn't pause at every cramp-like twinge in my abdomen. That I contemplated getting a mini-Maglite to take with me to the restroom to check thoroughly for spotting.

I have to admit that if they sold a CSI type kit that you could use at home to check the lining of your underwear for the pregnancy hormone that I would have ordered one.

After what happened in January I refuse to even look at a pregnancy test right now. I don't want another false positive, and I think a negative would send me into a spin. I am continuing to focus on packing and prepping for the move. We'll be gone in roughly 4 weeks, and still have things to do.

But I can't help it. I want a baby. I want to be pregnant.

Please, oh please, let it happen this time.

Cycle Day 19

After months of having a cycle work so that the weekends were for scans, having everything happen last Wednesday and Thursday makes me feel lost.

I honestly cannot believe that we are approaching a week since the IUI.

Right now I am trying not to focus on it. Or think about it. I'm hoping this will help if my cycle starts again in the next 2 weeks.

I find myself saying "when my period comes next month". And A is correcting me by saying "if".

It makes me smile, but at the same time I feel sad.

So, I am still in limbo. Waiting. Watching. Touching my stomach when I feel a cramp. Scrutinizing everything, looking for spotting, and wondering if that puke-like aftertaste is morning sickness.

Yes, it's all too soon. But I really can't help it.

Giving Him Fair Warning

A: Would you stop bitching!

Me: Hey! I am tired and cramping and sore and so leave me alone!

A: rolls eyes

Me: This is the easy part. If I'm like this now, you better be prepared for when I am in labor!

IUI #1

Have I ever mentioned that I was told by an OB/GYN in my late teens/early twenties that I have a long birth canal.

I never though this odd, but when it comes to having a speculum used on you for an exam it make a whole world of difference. A normal device is too short, so the doctor ends up twisting and turning, and I am in pain.

Apparently this isn't odd as they have a drawer with nothing but long speculum.

Which was apparently empty today, so we had to wait a little longer.

The important thing is that this is done for now.

The process itself was painless. Well, until the cramping started. But up until we left and I cramped, there was nothing to it.

My favorite part: The doctor walked in with the sample and said it was a really good sample. I immediately turned to A and said "great job honey!". He just laughed, and everyone seemed relaxed.

So, now we are waiting. She told us that we could have intercourse and all it would do is increase our chances of getting pregnant.

I did tell her that if we get a positive test at home I'd be calling to request labs. And she completely agreed.

The One Where I Wonder Where They Were Hiding Before

So the ultrasound was done.

For the record: female ultrasound tech is very gentle with the internal scan. External scan, not so much. The advantage to it being a female tech is not having to have some strange woman in the corner supervising.

My normal OB/GYN is off today, so I realized that I needed to go and ask about the scan results. Which I did.

And after 30 minutes of reading People magazine from January and February of this year I was pulled into a room and given my injection.

Internets, I have 2 follicles sitting together in 1 ovary. And possibly a third one, though smaller, on the other side.

While this should improve our odds, and I really am genuinely happy, I keep thinking: where the hell have they been hiding?

Seriously.

We are scheduled for the IUI tomorrow at noon. This will be a first for both of us, and I will be sharing details on the experience.

The only thing that could possibly go wrong would be a speeding ticket on the way to the doctor's office.....

The One Where I Get Older But Don't Feel Older

Yesterday I officially turned 36.

I think I once told myself that my "scary" age was 40. But it's not really something I dread anymore.

We have a plan. My husband and I working towards something together, and it feels good to be on that track. Yes, there are some bumps along the way. But I'm not alone.

And I realized how much I am loved by those closest to me on Saturday night.

We had our house party, and it was amazing. For the first time in nearly 3 years, we all talked. No Rock Band until very late. We all just laughed and joked and talked to one another. Friends from so many different parts of my life were all there, and it was so good.

My favorite highlight: my cousin, who had had a couple of drinks, asking people who the biggest Bad Ass was - Darth Vader or Samuel L Jackson. Only in the company of these people could that lead to arguments, discussions, and actual thought on the topic from everyone.

It really was good.

I am going to miss everyone so badly. I realized that at the end of the night, when some of my oldest friends congratulated me on the move and told me how they would miss us. And also that A was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I am holding on to those thoughts and feelings this week. The IUI is Thursday, and I hope that this relaxing and loving feeling will get us through this. And then on to the next step....

23 Minutes

In order to proceed with the IUI, my dearly beloved has to provide a sample for analysis of the donation he will be making next week.

Said donation needed to be made into a sterile specimen cup, sealed, and noted with the time of donation. From that moment, there is a 30 minute window to have the specimen cup in the hands of a lab technician.

I made it in under 23 minutes.

If we lived any further from the clinic, A would be doing things in the men's room that people don't want to think about.

As it is, I now know how long it will take me to get there, and now have to plan out next Thursday's event.

This is almost like training for a triathlon....

The One Where I Agree to More Hormones and An IUI and My Husband Has to Abstain

Welcome to Month 7, Cycle Day 4!

I have officially been on clomid for 2 doses, and even last night could feel the evil me wanting out.

It's amazing how easy it is to snap at people for odd things. I did bite my tongue, but my husband sees it. Poor A.

Saturday afternoon he went to the lab for bloodwork and to pick up a specimen cup. They took several vials of blood, and his body doesn't like that.

So we went to Baskin Robbins. Fair, right?

As we were waiting for the lab to call him back, we dug into the little brown bag they provided us and looked at the instructions. We were both dying to see what the little notes would say.

Sadly, it was not much to giggle at. Just the basics and letting you know to timestamp the sample and return it to the lab within 30 minutes of collection.

Then we noticed the line that said not to do anything sexually for at least 3 days prior. Something that if the doctor had told us about on Friday would have resulted in the test being able to be done this morning.

Instead, I need to wake him tomorrow, make him leave a deposit somehow (sorry, TMI, I know!!), then run it to the lab and head to work from there.

Oh, and we get to do this all again next week: the ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday morning and then actually IUI should be happening roughly 24 hours later.

So, here's hoping!

Packing

Well, the move is on for 48 days from today. Packing is happening, and it's going surprisingly well.

Next weekend, we have a few people staying with us and a house party planned on Saturday. One of these guests is my cousin, who visited last summer for a long weekend. When she and I spoke last month, she asked if the place would be empty when they got here and I said no. There were no plans to pack the living room until after the party.

Cousin, I may have misspoke.

See, my husband collects action figures that are more than meets the eyes. And they take up a lot of shelf space. Or, at least they did. Before he packed them all.

So, no, it's not barren. But you can tell there are things missing.

The hardest things to pack were the books I bought at the end of January for a pending pregnancy. They went into a small box, along with this small Spider-man jersey we bought on clearance at Target years ago. We are labeling the boxes as we seal them, so this one has a label that simple says "Baby".

Yes, I am still hopeful. I just don't know what I am doing about this month yet.

Hello World!

Today is the first day this week were I haven't felt like I was dying.

And I have my voice back!

The only advantage to this has been that I have been working from home. Which has me anxious for May when that will be a day to day reality. It really sounds so amazing.

So, I apologize for being MIA. All 5 of my readers, I really am sincerely sorry.

I have no clue what cycle day this. I have spotted for the last 24 hours. I still don't know if I want to try an IUI, and am leaving that decision until Cycle Day 1 happens and I can look at a calendar.

And in 10 days I will be 36.

I promise to resume posting, and you have to promise to deal with tales of moving, discarding old stuff, and how even illness is apparently a turn-on for my husband.

Ok, maybe not too much on that last one.