I am trying to be better about tracking everything. I want to be able to look back someday and laugh at how frustrating it was before I got pregnant.
See that? That's me being optimistic and positive.
When it didn't work in September, I was so devastated. I honestly was on the phone crying to my mom and best friend. Demanding to know why I had to go through this, pleading with them about the unfairness of it all, and hoping I hadn't let A down by not working as promised. Wasn't this just supposed to work?
October...
Something in that first breakdown drained me, I think. When the scan showed nothing in October, I felt numb. I had already come to terms with it not working right away and needing to be patient.
And now it's November....
This month, I am somewhere in the middle.
A few nights ago, we were out doing an errand when A looked over at me and asked, "At what point do we give up on this and just do an IVF?"
I was proud of myself for not bursting in to tears and instead calmly explaining that if I couldn't ovulate and produce a good follicle, there was nothing to work with. We had to keep trying each month until the magic dosage happened, and then start on the next phase.
Now, if he asked me that question today it would be different. This cycle has had cramps, mood swings, and bloating. And all that before the Chlomid this morning.
Maybe the heightened sensitivity to online ads for needy children is a sign that the dosage this month will work.
That, or we can blame the full moon and early summer weather in the middle of Fall.
I am actually hoping for the first one up there right now. It's the only thing on my Christmas list....
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