Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Clomid: To Take It Or Not Take It. That Is The Question...

Welcome to Month 6, Cycle Day 2.

After literally sobbing for hours on Monday night, I was calm enough to watch television and then collapse to sleep. I didn't check my blood sugar, completely forgot about insulin, and pretty much ignored the litter box and all my other cats' needs. I ate because I had to, but dinner consisted of a stack of Ritz crackers, salami, and some soft cheese.

I just didn't want to think.

Then, to make matters better, I woke up at 6am with this bad feeling and a need to pee. Hello cycle! How nice of you to appear right in time to make everything feel worse and just drill in what is not happening for me right now!

The news about the chemical pregnancy was given to me via phone at work. The rest of the day was miserable for me, and at 5 I went and spoke alone to our manager. After 20 minutes of crying, she agreed to my request to work from home Tuesday. I needed a day to get this out of my system, but I needed to work to keep busy.

For the record, a day is not enough. I can write this now without crying because you won't believe the next part. Ask me this alone via IM or phone and I become a puddle of weeping mess. I talked to 3 people via IM yesterday while at home about it, and each time I looked up mid-conversation to have A hovering over me. He is worried, and that has actually helped me pull things together. It's not just all about me, it's about us.

Now, on to the fun part of this post!

I called the doctor's office to let her know it was Day 1, I need my clomid, and get other things organized. You see, this month we were going to try our first IUI.

Just in case you were wondering, up until now we were attempting to do this as naturally as possible. Everything was up to us and our physical activity once we confirmed there was a follicle. After not being successful, we agreed that this month we would do the scan on day 13, and if there were follicles get the injection and then return the next day bright and early. My beloved would leave a sample in a proper specimen cup once he awoke, and we would take that to the lab to be spun and prepped. Once ready, his little soldiers would be inserted directly into me by the doctor.

Doesn't that sound like so much fun?!?!

Now, due to the problems with past scans, the doctor wanted to schedule me directly with radiology for this next round. This is in hopes of avoiding multiple scans, stress, and spending an entire day at the medical facility. Like last month.

My initial call to the doctor resulted in having to leave a message. When the doctor called back, she had to leave me a message, and listening to it made me realize that things weren't going to be so simple.

Look at the calendar. Now count with me: Day 1 is on February 2nd. Which means Day 13, the day of the follicle scan, would fall on February 14th, a Sunday. Since their offices are closed, I would need to go for the scan on Day 12, but they are closed on Sunday and then again that Monday in observance of President's Day. So the IUI was out because there would be no one to insert said sperm into said uterus. What did I want to do?

Another message left by me to the doctor, this time pretty short and to the point:

"Can you let her know to please schedule the scan on the 13th and we'll just do what we have been doing?"

I think the girl though I was losing it because I wouldn't elaborate.

Fast forward 2 hours and a call comes from the doctor's nurse. They had sent the order to radiology and transferred me to them to make the appointment.

After being placed on hold 3 times, the person advised me that they were closed on Sunday and Monday. I explained I knew this and needed the scan on Saturday. And she let me know they were only there a half day and booked solid.

Did you know that counting to 10 works, even when on the phone with people? I think it saved this woman from having to listen to me for 20 minutes of ranting about my inability to get pregnant and that she was standing in the way of this.

In the end, radiology was to call the doctor and review the order and timing. Someone would get back to me.

Which brings me to today.

I have a prescription to pick up tonight. And I am supposed to start taking it tomorrow. In anticipation of another scan. That no one has told me whether or not will actually happen.

Slowly but surely I believe our decision about whether or not to try this month is being taken from us. And while I can understand that I need to just go with the flow, take it easy and let it happen, that doesn't help.

Not today.

Not after Monday.

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