Monday, January 17, 2011

Ah, Hormones and Mood Swings

I think I've mentioned before that I never really had a PMS issue. Even when on the pill, I'd be a little moody, but A never had to deal with complete craziness.

When the Clomid started, the warnings were clear on the bottle and in the literature. This was a hormone and would cause issues. But while I was more emotional, I don't ever remember feeling as if I was going to rip some one's head off or become unglued.

The first half of my pregnancy has seen the usual base side effects. I cry at the strangest things. From reruns of Supernatural and Charmed, to television commercials with babies, to, believe it or not, news stories about world events. The right wording is enough to have me sobbing, and A has learned to just hug me through the bad ones.

Then came yesterday.

I woke up and was laying there in bed with the sense that something wasn't quite right. It wasn't physical, it was a sense that I was just not happy.

From the moment I left the bedroom, I was seriously on a short fuse. Everything seemed to make me want to snap, and I did what I could to keep my mouth closed. We had planned to finish our grocery shopping at Walmart before the Sunday church crowd arrived, which meant getting out the door by 10:30. As A sat at his desk, I drank tea, and became frustrated that he was not getting ready while I finished breakfast, and I snapped at him with a comment.

He calmly asked what he had done, and I apologized and burst into tears. I told him how I had felt at waking, how horrible I felt at being mean to him, and the I really didn't want to be a bitch.

He asked if this was gonna be one of those days, and that suddenly had me laughing.

I was mad, laughing, and still crying all at once.

I am proud to report that the day went well from there, with no more bad episodes and more laughing. This morning there was no sign of the evil bitchiness, and so we are enjoying a good morning.

But I've learned that on those mornings where I get up ready to be that way....well, I'm thinking a long hot shower and maybe a nap. No matter what, A has made me promise that I will come right out and warn him so we can make sure to work together through it all.

I've sworn on my life.

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