Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Mirror

I've never been someone who stopped and looked at them self in the mirror.

I honestly don't think it's a self-esteem issue, I just always have felt confident in myself.  And I also always stood by the thought that what people saw is what they got.  So there was no make-up or worrying about hair.  I did what I needed to do and left the house for the day, and then never stopped to check what the day did to me.

Since the bump arrived, I find myself looking.  Normally just before or after a shower, looking at veins that have started appear on my breasts, looking for any discoloration, and staring at the linea negra.  This isn't an in depth search, just a scan.

And I still don't really notice too much of a change in those moments to my overall size either.  I mentioned to A that I've basically gained all the weight I lost last summer, but I don't move the same.  He reminded me that it's being carried differently, and so my body adjusts to that.  This is why I waddle.

One of the standards at home has been loose nightgowns and over sized sweatshirts when I feel cold.  My favorite sweatshirt has been in my wardrobe for years, and it's HUGE.  Everything about it, including the sleeves, is meant for a bigger person, but it's perfect for lounging around in my dumpy clothes.

Last night I craved dessert.  A specific dessert that required a drive thru at the Sonic down the street.  Since I spend my days in pajamas, the trip out the door means putting on some actual clothes.  So on came the yoga pants and the huge sweatshirt.

And at that moment, in our bedroom, I saw my profile in the long mirror over my dresser.  A full profile, fully dressed, and my jaw dropped.

Somewhere along the way, my sweatshirt stopped being as loose.  The sleeves are still huge, as you'll see below in the pic A took for me, but my stomach now fills the body, and there is no denying it in my profile picture.  I also looked down and realizes I couldn't see my toes.

You can tell how long the sweatshirt is supposed to be by looking at my backside. 

I think A was worried I would be upset with all this weight and the change in the way the clothes are fitting me.

Quite the opposite, to be truthful.

I love this.  And I love that as this picture was being taken, my son was kicking my hand.....

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