Tuesday, February 22, 2011

G is for Gas

I have lost control of my body's ability to control the expulsion of gas.

Between the burping and farting, and some times both at the same time, we must sound like a pair of adolescent boys with the giggling.

And yes, I still laugh at fart jokes.  For the most part, we both can't help laughing.  You know, when we aren't accusing one or the other of trying to poison the air around us.

Along with the giggles there are some moments of pain.   Pain to the point where I can't breathe, my insides feel as if they are going to explode from pressure, and I wish I could just die on the spot.

There was one night 3 weeks ago when we decided to go to the mall and do some shopping.  I waited until after an hour had passed from eating, hoping that any gas issues would have come and gone by then.

Boy was I wrong.

By the time we made it to the store I needed to go to, I could barely stand.  We managed to get back to the car, but there was no way I could drive.  I just couldn't do anything, and was in tears.

So, A called his dad.

He picked us up, stopped at the market on the way back to his house to pick up something I could take to help, and then took us to the family house to wait it out.

We were there all of 10 minutes when I belched in a way that A later described as puking air.  There really is no better way to describe the way it came rushing out, and the relief I felt after.

I've learned my lesson.  I keep pills with me at all times, and if there is barely a hint of problems I will chew one and then relax and let things happen.

Of course that hasn't stopped the nonsense when we are out and things progress without warning.

You know.  Like when you're at Target, and it's pretty empty, in the movies area.  And your husband starts walking down an aisle as you review the end cap.  Suddenly there is a loud noise coming from your rear, and you stare at each other for that split moment after when the shock has hit you of the noise.

And you calmly say, "Oh, A....really?  In the middle of the aisle?" and shake your head at him.

To which he loudly replies that there is no way he is taking the blame for THAT!

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