Scrooged

I realized last night that I don't really care if the tree is lit in the evenings.

It isn't that I am not looking forward to Christmas. It's just that this year my mind is busy on something else. I can't seem to refocus on other things, and I am glad that our social circle is a small one.

His family knows we are saving to move and not spending anything extra. My family knows we aren't planning on shopping. We really don't have the extra money, and there is nothing that seems to make me truly feel happy inside.

I had to admit to A last night that I can't help the crying. That I cried at Best Buy, that even going for a walk through Target makes me weepy. I can't seem to get past everything else right now, and I really am just waiting for tomorrow and another scan.

I would like to point out that the scans are getting progressively uncomfortable. I didn't think they could, and I don't know if it's that a different doctor is there each time or I am just tense. But I seriously am tired of being examined from the inside. It is just not any fun.

And I get to do it all again tomorrow...