Monday, December 14, 2009

Holding on by a Follicle

The scan on Saturday went a little better than I thought it would.

The right ovary had 2 very small follicles. Small enough that the doctor didn't even consider them for anything.

But there was something there, which was more than I had expected to have happen.

The left ovary, though, is trying to come through....

There was 1 follicle, all alone, bigger than anything else she could see. And based on its size, she calculated that if it continued to grow that it would be ready on Thursday.

So, we will go back on Thursday. Scan again and see what happens. It will either be fully mature and ready or it will have aborted.

Aborted is what she said. I don't like that word. At first I thought something bad hearing it. Then I realized she meant like a mission being aborted, nothing worse than that.

But still....

I was fine leaving the office. I made it to the car, actually, after booking the next trip there. But since then it has been an interesting trip. I tend to find myself sobbing at the oddest things. Things that we had talked about doing or buying for our child makes me well up. My husband smiles, tries to comfort me, but it's hard.

The feeling inside that I am letting him down, that I am less than what he bargained for, makes it hard to let him. But I do let him. We are in this together, and nothing else seems to make the bad stuff go away.

Even if it is only for 10 minutes.

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