Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Noisy Neighbor Dilemma

The way our complex is set up, we do have a couple of common walls with the neighbors, but overall is hasn't been too bad. We were also smart enough to put James in the bedroom where his common walls are with our closet, the outside world, and his bathroom. It means his room is cooler in Winter, warmer in Summer, but that's why we have centrail heat and air!

 With all of us at home everyday, we've noticed that we can hear things going on next door if they get loud. Or even upstairs if they vaccum.

Again, nothing horrible.

The only thing that doesn't work is us having a common wall in our bedroom with our neighbors.

When we moved in, we purposely positioned our bed so that nothing touched that wall. I'm not saying that there is some wild things going on in our bedroom we wouldn't want others to hear or know about, but just in case we did decide to have special adult playtime and were loud, we didn't want to disturb anyone.

How we both wish our neighbors knew this.

They first moved in last Summer. At first, there was the occasional thumping on the wall at odd hours. Which I seemed to have fixed by getting up and using that wall to thump my hand against on the way to the bathroom.

You do that too, right?

Apparently they rearranged furniture, because that stopped.

But I guess they became a little more comfortable with one another.

And so began nights of trying to fall asleep while giggling because Meg Ryan faked an orgasm better than this woman next door does. It isn't EVERY night, but if they are enamored with one another, it can last a bit.

Would it be rude to applaud at the wall?

This last Saturday, we were able to leave James for the day with his great grandparents and enjoy time out together.

Do you know how exhausting adult time out is? Maybe it's cause we normally go out and focus on him, but when it's just us we relax, and then come home and want to sleep.

Which is what we were gearing up to do at 10 on Saturday night. I know, party animals, right?

My husband went into the room and came out 2 minutes later. Apparently the neighbors were having special adult playtime and there was no way we were going to be able to sleep.

But that isn't what started the jokes that had us giggling yesterday. And about an hour ago.

Apparently, someone misbehaved, because they were getting spanked and my husband could hear an audible "OW!" through the wall. Then there was the all time favorite "Who's your daddy?" and "Tell me how much you love my c##k!".

Internets, I cannot make this stuff up. The cheesy lines you think no one actually says in bed were being said.

Oh, and did I mention the common wall between us is on MY side of the bed?


So, we fired up the 360 and played Lego Harry Potter 2, waited until at least 11, and then went to bed. All the while giggling and making inappropriate comments about the noises from the other side.

And I have to make a confession:

I have, over the last 2 nights, made inappropriate references OUT LOUD while in our bedroom in the hopes they can hear me and know we can hear them.

For example, I may have lifted my nightgown off my thigh and spanked it while standing next to the wall. I also may have yelled out "Not the c##k!" as if awakening from a bad dream. I also may have also told my husband, in a louder than necessary voice, that he was not my daddy.

Which made him giggle himself to sleep.

Well, it's that or next time I am going to be leaving a post it on their door with the answers to the questions we hear.

And for the record, I plan to write that if she doesn't know who her daddy is she should try hiring a private investigator and begin the search.

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